Sitting on the Bench: Thoughts on Suicide Prevention

"A lake that is noisy cannot reflect anything"-Robert Adams

                              

I love that picture!! and I love fall!! I was feeling sad on Sunday because I thought the brilliance of fall colors were not coming. I was wrong --they were just later than usual. The fall colors bring my alot of joy. It gets a little dangerous when I drive- because I live in an awesomely beautiful part of town where I can see the colors change all around me and I am looking at the world around me. Nature has always brought me joy--It is something that is constantly beautiful-no matter what I am going through. When I was little and feeling sad I would go outside to our backyard and lay on the hammock --in college I would often walk up to the mountains, or sit by the creek that ran through the bottom of campus. It was the quiet times in nature when I was all alone that I gained comfort and inspiration. 

It got much harder trying to find that quiet time when I became a mom --with very active babies and then children - who did not like to sleep -there was rarely a moment alone. I remember trying so hard to carve out even a few minutes of just silence, when they were younger. I can still picture myself laying on the couch when my daughter had fallen asleep for her 30 minute nap (that was literally as long as she would ever take for a nap -you can see why I made her give up naps really young. It was not worth all the hassle for only thirty minutes.) My 2 year old son was playing next door with his friend. I lit a pumpkin smelling candle and reveled in the quietness!! It is still vivid in my mind -and this was about 15 years ago. My spirit yearned for it!! 

Some clients have told me that quiet times are sometimes hard times for those who have been abused. Left alone in their thoughts -is not always something they want. And some of them tend to busy their lives as a way to forget and shut out the hurt. I think part of healing is learning to sit with yourself in the quiet and making time to have that alone time away from distractions. 

Boyd K. Packer said "Inspiration comes more easily in peaceful settings. Such words as quiet, still, peaceable, Comforter abound in the scriptures: “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10; italics added.) And the promise, “You shall receive my Spirit, the Holy Ghost, even the Comforter, which shall teach you the peaceable things of the kingdom.” (D&C 36:2)-Ensign October 1991

Having not gone through what many of you readers have gone through-I cannot relate to how hard it may be for you to allow yourselves this quiet time. I do know, though, that with practice you can find a quiet place that feels safe for you. Maybe it is at the temple, maybe nature, maybe wrapped in your favorite blanket. Wherever it is- I challenge you to find some time to do so. 

Elder Patrick Kearon talks about opening our hearts to revelation.  He said,

"We may not know we are doing it, but occasionally we cut ourselves off from divine communication when our hearts become overburdened by the worries, pressures, irritations, and deadlines of daily life. Our hearts can become blocked from the peace and comfort the Lord would give us if we are too troubled and concerned. When we stay up too late and work too hard in order to meet our daily demands, fatigue sets in, we become overtired, and the world looks like a much gloomier place; things get out of perspective and out of proportion.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, it seems impossible to slow down, find a quiet space, and draw close to your Heavenly Father. Just the mere suggestion that you carve out some time from your already overscheduled day may increase the sense of pressure you feel. You may doubt that choosing to spend that segment of quiet time will actually yield much benefit, and so you think your time is better spent getting on with something else. However, that’s when problems can arise.

President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, teaches a vital truth with regard to our hearts being burdened by the cares and clamor of daily life. He says:“The Spirit does not get our attention by shouting or shaking us with a heavy hand. Rather it whispers. It caresses so gently that if we are preoccupied we may not feel it at all.

“Occasionally, it will press just firmly enough for us to pay heed. But most of the time, if we do not heed the gentle feeling, the Spirit will withdraw and wait until we come seeking and listening.”-BYU Adress August 2013

Will County Take Back the Night 2014, Joliet, Illinois-Fear can be defeated.

Start watching at 14 minutes for two powerful stories. I want to warn you this may be triggering -although there is not lots of details. It is tastefully done and powerful.  A few years ago, at my coworkers wedding, her brother murdered and sexually assaulted his friend and her unborn baby. The mother of the victim and my coworker (the murderer's sister) give powerful presentation about how they have dealt with their fear and grief. They are both amazing examples- who have taken their horrible life experiences and have decided to use it for good. I think you will be inspired! Kelly reminds us that fear can be overcome. For someone who has suffered from physical, emotional and sexual abuse and has then struggled with the the anxiety and OCD disorders that followed --she shows that you can push past your fears.

Each one of us is Glorious

My heart has been heavy the past couple of days.  I work at a hospital where I see so many people suffering with varying trials. I am always inspired by peoples strength and always feel privileged to get a glimpse into peoples lives. This week I watched a friend of mine's son come into the hospital because of poor choices made in his life. Even as we were trying to help him, he continued to make poor choices- some with life long consequences. My heart ached to see my friend suffering and yet felt honored to watch the way she found to nurture him -even though she could not take away the consequences of his choices.

I am sure our Heavenly Father watches us with heartache when we fall or suffer because of our own bad choices or the bad choices of others. He has the eternal perspective of our ultimate potential. As I listened to this song- I reflected on my experiences this week. I  love how the song says "Each one of us is Glorious. Each one of us have a part to play." In gods eyes each one of us is glorious. No matter how many times we fall or how long it takes for us to pick ourselves back up-we are still glorious in his eyes. I am so grateful for that knowledge, as I often loose patience with myself and my inability to make needed changes. I forget sometimes that, I am, and each of you are, truly glorious in our heavenly father's eyes-no matter what! I am thankful for being reminded of this today.

The Mighty Healer

There are times were I've gone back and forth with understanding the power of the Atonement and just being flat out mad about life and the abuse that has effected so much of my life.  When I heard this quote today in General Conference it instantly struck a cord with me.   
 

It is true.  

Regardless of if I believe it or not, whether I'm extremely angry with the wounds I have even though I'm innocent, its true.  Christ is the mighty healer.  Today after watching General Conference I was thinking about how great the last 6 months of my life have been and looking forward things are looking good as well.  Deep down I fear that my life is going to shatter all over again after working so hard to get to where I am today but I have to realize WHY I am where I am today.  It is truly because of Christ and I need to believe Him and believe in Him. Those are two different things.  I have worked really hard but the bottom line to the healing that has occurred in my life is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and others helping me to apply it.

How grateful I am to know He is The Mighty Healer of all.