Victor Frankl's thoughts from Mans search for Meaning.

Some of you may be familiar with Victor Frankl and his book Man's search for Meaning. I have never read his book but have heard it quoted many times in my life. His main message is that despite our circumstances (he was in 4 different concentration camps) we can find meaning and purpose in our life.  There are circumstances in life that we do have control over and then there are some that we do not. I have copied down a few of his quotes below...

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 
“There is nothing in this world, I venture to say, that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions as the knowledge that there is meaning in one's life.” 

“Fear makes come true that which one is afraid of...” 

“As a professor in two fields, neurology and psychiatry, I am fully aware of the extent to which man is subject to biological, psychological and sociological conditions. But in addition to being a professor in two fields I am a survivor of four camps - concentration camps, that is - and as such I also bear witness to the unexpected extent to which man is capable of defying and braving even the worst conditions conceivable.” 

“Man is originally characterized by his "search for meaning" rather than his "search for himself." The more he forgets himself—giving himself to a cause or another person—the more human he is. And the more he is immersed and absorbed in something or someone other than himself the more he really becomeshimself.” 

“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” 

If you were abused as a child-you had no control . Your abuser liked to make you feel that you had a part to play -but in reality you did not. What you do have control over now as an adult is how you make meaning of your life experiences. What you do with it -now. It will be different for everyone. Some will take those experiences and become fighters for justice. Others will be wonderful listeners to those who need someone who understands what they have gone through. What will you do ? How will you make meaning of what you have been through?

"A lake that is noisy cannot reflect anything"-Robert Adams

                              

I love that picture!! and I love fall!! I was feeling sad on Sunday because I thought the brilliance of fall colors were not coming. I was wrong --they were just later than usual. The fall colors bring my alot of joy. It gets a little dangerous when I drive- because I live in an awesomely beautiful part of town where I can see the colors change all around me and I am looking at the world around me. Nature has always brought me joy--It is something that is constantly beautiful-no matter what I am going through. When I was little and feeling sad I would go outside to our backyard and lay on the hammock --in college I would often walk up to the mountains, or sit by the creek that ran through the bottom of campus. It was the quiet times in nature when I was all alone that I gained comfort and inspiration. 

It got much harder trying to find that quiet time when I became a mom --with very active babies and then children - who did not like to sleep -there was rarely a moment alone. I remember trying so hard to carve out even a few minutes of just silence, when they were younger. I can still picture myself laying on the couch when my daughter had fallen asleep for her 30 minute nap (that was literally as long as she would ever take for a nap -you can see why I made her give up naps really young. It was not worth all the hassle for only thirty minutes.) My 2 year old son was playing next door with his friend. I lit a pumpkin smelling candle and reveled in the quietness!! It is still vivid in my mind -and this was about 15 years ago. My spirit yearned for it!! 

Some clients have told me that quiet times are sometimes hard times for those who have been abused. Left alone in their thoughts -is not always something they want. And some of them tend to busy their lives as a way to forget and shut out the hurt. I think part of healing is learning to sit with yourself in the quiet and making time to have that alone time away from distractions. 

Boyd K. Packer said "Inspiration comes more easily in peaceful settings. Such words as quiet, still, peaceable, Comforter abound in the scriptures: “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10; italics added.) And the promise, “You shall receive my Spirit, the Holy Ghost, even the Comforter, which shall teach you the peaceable things of the kingdom.” (D&C 36:2)-Ensign October 1991

Having not gone through what many of you readers have gone through-I cannot relate to how hard it may be for you to allow yourselves this quiet time. I do know, though, that with practice you can find a quiet place that feels safe for you. Maybe it is at the temple, maybe nature, maybe wrapped in your favorite blanket. Wherever it is- I challenge you to find some time to do so. 

Elder Patrick Kearon talks about opening our hearts to revelation.  He said,

"We may not know we are doing it, but occasionally we cut ourselves off from divine communication when our hearts become overburdened by the worries, pressures, irritations, and deadlines of daily life. Our hearts can become blocked from the peace and comfort the Lord would give us if we are too troubled and concerned. When we stay up too late and work too hard in order to meet our daily demands, fatigue sets in, we become overtired, and the world looks like a much gloomier place; things get out of perspective and out of proportion.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, it seems impossible to slow down, find a quiet space, and draw close to your Heavenly Father. Just the mere suggestion that you carve out some time from your already overscheduled day may increase the sense of pressure you feel. You may doubt that choosing to spend that segment of quiet time will actually yield much benefit, and so you think your time is better spent getting on with something else. However, that’s when problems can arise.

President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, teaches a vital truth with regard to our hearts being burdened by the cares and clamor of daily life. He says:“The Spirit does not get our attention by shouting or shaking us with a heavy hand. Rather it whispers. It caresses so gently that if we are preoccupied we may not feel it at all.

“Occasionally, it will press just firmly enough for us to pay heed. But most of the time, if we do not heed the gentle feeling, the Spirit will withdraw and wait until we come seeking and listening.”-BYU Adress August 2013

"Being Busy is not the same as being worthy and being worthy does not require perfection"

Some of you reading this may not be affected at all by the fact that school is about to start again. For those who are in this period of life though -there may be mixed emotions. My husband can be found dancing singing "It is the most wonderful time of year" around this time every year. I dream of how I might in fact be able to keep our house clean for at least a couple of hours- while my kids are at school. The downside though- is we get back on the hamster wheel of life between running kids to their various school, music, church and scout activities. Related to this kind of hectic life (you all have your own kind of hectic lives) is our continued desire to be perfect in all the things we are involved in. To the point that we reach exhaustion. I loved Elder Gong's talk on Perfection and wanted to share a few quotes from it.

"Understanding the Savior’s freely given atoning love can free us from self-imposed, incorrect, and unrealistic expectations of what perfection is. Such understanding allows us to let go of fears that we are imperfect—fears that we make mistakes, fears that we are not good enough, fears that we are a failure compared to others, fears that we are not doing enough to merit His love....
The word perfection, however, is sometimes misunderstood to mean never making a mistake. Perhaps you or someone you know is trying hard to be perfect in this way. Because such perfection always seems out of reach, even our best efforts can leave us anxious, discouraged, or exhausted. We unsuccessfully try to control our circumstances and the people around us. We fret over weaknesses and mistakes. In fact, the harder we try, the further we may feel from the perfection we seek."

For those who feel physically or emotionally exhausted, start getting regular sleep and rest, and make time to eat and relax. Recognize that being busy is not the same as being worthy, and being worthy does not require perfection......For those prone to see their own weaknesses or shortcomings, celebrate with gratitude the things you do well, however large or small.... For those who fear failure and who procrastinate, sometimes by over-preparing, be assured and encouraged that there is no need to withdraw from challenging activities that may bring great growth! Where needed and appropriate, seek spiritual counsel or competent medical attention to help you relax, develop positive ways to think and structure your life, reduce self-defeating behaviors, and experience and express more gratitude." -Becoming Perfect in Christ, Elder Gong, Ensign July 2014

How can you take those moments to heal -to rest -to rejuvenate? Are you making those moments? We all go about it differently. But those moments are essential to your healing and to your emotional health.  Elder Uchtdorf in his talk What Matters Most gives the example of how even God's creations devote seasons to slow down and focus on the basics.

"One of the things we learn from studying the growth of trees is that during seasons when conditions are ideal, trees grow at a normal rate. However, during seasons when growing conditions are not ideal, trees slow down their growth and devote their energy to the basic elements necessary for survival."

More on "Light"

A common theme I hear as I counsel-is the feeling of darkness. The gospel has given us some tools to help do away with this darkness. Christ is often referred to in the scriptures, as the "Light"

He says-“I will also be your light in the wilderness; … wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led” (1 Nephi 17:13)

That said ---Lloyd Baird says that  "God is not in the flash light business."-Lloyd Baird , Stepping Into the Darkness (March 2012)

What does he mean by that? He says -

"In our premortal existence our challenge was to learn how to walk by obedience. We were given choices with clear explanations of the options and consequences. We chose correctly - to come to earth and learn from our experiences and how to walk by faith,

Often though, we feel if we just had a powerful flashlight to peer into the darkness, it would be easier. But that is not how this existence works. Even though we might not be totally clear where the path leads or what lies ahead, we are supposed to make choices, get on with it, step into the darkness and learn as we go. But as in all things, the Lord has not left us without help as we go forward. He has provided a process for learning and growing"

Stepping into the darkness I think is the hardest part--especially that very first step. Knowing that we are stepping into the unknown takes a lot of faith and hope, but as we press forward the scriptures tell us blessings follow. My favorite scripture says so.

That step into the darkness is different for everyone. Think for a minute-what is that step- in your life? What is the step that you have not been able to push forward with. What step will take all the faith and courage you have. 

I know for me-that step has been 6 years in the making. I have struggled with my weight my entire life and had lots of success loosing weight --not so much success maintaining. As a result, if you were to add all the weight I have lost and then gained back it would be about 350 pounds throughout my life.  

About six years ago-I just gave up. I lost all hope and decided I was done trying. But being heavy for 7 years is taking its toll on my knees and my body. (getting older doesn't help either) I know that I need to be healthier and I know what it takes for me to do that and I lack all faith that I can do it and maintain it--because I have ALWAYS failed. The longest I maintained a healthy weight was 4 years and it was hard. It never got easier for me. The entire 4 years I felt that I was living a life of deprivation and you can only maintain that for so long. I don't want to bore you with my story --but I use it as just one example of something in my life that would take great courage for me to do. I have NO faith in my abilities to succeed and no hope. I have failed too many times. I have convinced myself that taking that first step into the darkness won't be worth it -because I already know how it ends up. Do you have something like this in your own life? What would it take to get the courage to take that first step? I don't know the answer --I have done the fasting, the blessings, the prayers, the temple attendance, the scripture study, the counseling, the medications, and more. I go back to my dad, Lloyd Baird's talk where he says we are supposed to step forward -and then "we learn as we go". That said I do believe that resting is ok sometimes. My 6 years of resting have not been useless. I have learned much about myself and about god. 

So take a rest --and then take that first step into the 

darkness. 

                         

Off the topic --but some great advice to living a long life

Happy Birthday, Mother Talley! 
Jeralean Talley is America's oldest living woman on record. And as she turns 115, we'd all do well to follow her example.
"Mother Talley," as she's sometimes called, celebrates her birthday Friday. Born in 1899, the supercentenarian has seen three centuries, and still seems to be going strong. According to the Associated Press, she's visiting the doctor Friday, but still feels healthy.
The Gerontology Research Group keeps a record of the validated longest-living people in the world. According to the GRG, Misao Okawa, who is 116 and lives in Japan, is the oldest living person. Talley is a close second.
Talley lives in Inkster, Mich. but was born Jeralean Kurtz in Montrose, Ga. She lived on a farm where she picked cotton and peanuts, according to Time. She moved to Michigan in 1935 and married her husband, Alfred Talley, in 1936. The two were together 52 years before he died.
It's not surprising that Talley gained some wisdom over her 115 years. Here are some of her simple, but timeless, words to live by.

Follow the Golden Rule.
Talley has repeatedly given the advice that you should treat others how you want to be treated. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, that's my way of living," she told WJBK-TV last year.

Always have a sense of humor.

Talley apparently tried to drive just one time, and failed miserably, as she tells the Detroit Free Press. But telling the story of that failed attempt, complete with a few expletives, cracks her up -- and us, too.

Keep active.
Talley went bowling until she was 104, and still has an annual fishing trip.
But don't be afraid to occasionally indulge.
Talley is known for making headcheese, a jellied loaf made of various pig parts, and has a sweet tooth, according to Time.

Have strong beliefs.
Talley's faith is a large part of her life, and she'll be celebrating her birthday at her local church this weekend. When asked why she lives so long, she told the Free Press, "It's all in the good Lord's hands."

Surround yourself with loved ones.
Talley was married for half a century. Now, she lives with her daughter and has great-great-grandchildren. One of her favorite activities is playing with her young great-great-grandson, according to the Free Press.

Be humble, and act wisely.
"I don't have much education, but what little sense I got, I try to use it," Talley told WJBK. There's a powerful message in her modesty.

This is copied from here....
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/23/jeralean-talley-oldest-american-woman-birthday-turns-115_n_5379938.html

HOPE and FAITH

“Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.” -President Thomas S. Monson

I tried to make the pictures smaller --but for some reason, it just would not work...so the picture is extra bright and extra big!! Sometimes, though, when the storms gather and the rain pours it is hard to feel hopeful. What brings you hope during the hard times? Make a list and reflect on the things that have brought you hope in the past and put it somewhere where you can see the list. When your faith waivers, return to this list. During the better times, add to the list. 

I wanted to talk a little bit about journal writing. I know not everyone enjoys keeping a journal. I have had years that I wrote daily. As soon as I became a mom, though, that habit went down the tube. I have seen the value in keeping a record as I work with clients. I often ask clients to use writing as a way to process the things that they are experiencing and working on-in our sessions. There are many reasons why keeping a record is helpful.

I remember years ago when I was a younger mom- Oprah was talking a lot about gratitude journals. In Relief Society there were versions of this where we created gratitude jars. At the time I thought it was all pretty corny. I am not your Mormon mommy type who likes to do "cutesie-tootsey" things. That said -there is value in the idea of keeping a record .

I love President Eyring 's talk on the importance of remembering. He talked about how he began to keep a journal of when he saw God's hand in his life. My own family growing up had a similar tradition. We called it the White Plates of Baird and it was a white binder. When we had a particularly spiritual experience or a blessing, we were encouraged to write about it and it was put in this binder. I cannot say that I have referred to it very often, but even the act of just writing those things down -inscribed the experiences in my heart.

President Eyring said,

When our children were very small, I started to write down a few things about what happened every day. Let me tell you how that got started. I came home late from a Church assignment. It was after dark. My father-in-law, who lived near us, surprised me as I walked toward the front door of my house. He was carrying a load of pipes over his shoulder, walking very fast and dressed in his work clothes. I knew that he had been building a system to pump water from a stream below us up to our property.

He smiled, spoke softly, and then rushed past me into the darkness to go on with his work. I took a few steps toward the house, thinking of what he was doing for us, and just as I got to the door, I heard in my mind—not in my own voice—these words: “I’m not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down.”

I went inside. I didn’t go to bed. Although I was tired, I took out some paper and began to write. And as I did, I understood the message I had heard in my mind. I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family. Grandpa didn’t have to do what he was doing for us. He could have had someone else do it or not have done it at all. But he was serving us, his family, in the way covenant disciples of Jesus Christ always do. I knew that was true. And so I wrote it down, so that my children could have the memory someday when they would need it.

I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.

The years have gone by. My boys are grown men. And now and then one of them will surprise me by saying, “Dad, I was reading in my copy of the journal about when …” and then he will tell me about how reading of what happened long ago helped him notice something God had done in his day.

My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. You remember that song we sometimes sing: “Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”2

Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him."

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/o-remember-remember?lang=eng

What are your thoughts about how writing helps in the healing process. How has it helped you? How can you use it to heal more?

"The Happiness Advantage"

I loved the way Shawn makes it fun to listen to his work! Shawn Achor is a leading expert on the connection between happiness and success. You can read more about his work on his website at http://goodthinkinc.com/speakers/shawn-achor/

In the above video He says,

"It is not reality that shapes us but the lense through which our brain views the world-that shapes our reality. If we change the lense through which we view the world, then we change our reality and happiness."

His studies have shown that your external world circumstances are not predictive of happiness. Instead, 90% of our happiness is based on how our mind processes the world.

This way of thinking and research is called "positive psychology". Where traditional pyschology has been focused on psychiatric illness or pathology-positive psychology seeks to study wellness and happiness. The focus is on the "build what is strong" approach as opposed to the "fix what is wrong" approach.

For more on positive psychology go to- http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/      .  On this site there are some great tools you can use to better study your own happiness. Go to
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/questionnaires.aspx

Research has suggested that meditation , journalling and leisure or play are all ways to increase  happiness. As with anything -practice is the key and as I have said before with practice new neural pathways can be created in the brain. Sean Achor challenges people to do one brief positive exercise every day for 21 days. He gives these as examples.

• Write down three new things you are grateful for each day
• Write for two minutes a day describing one positive experience you had over the past 24 hours
• Exercise for 10 minutes a day
• Meditate for two minutes, focusing on your breath going in and out
• Write one quick email first thing in the morning thanking or praising someone in your social support network (family member, friend, old teacher)