Have I done any Good?

I love Alex Boye! His music always speaks to my soul and so of course I loved this rendition of the song Have I done Any good in the World Today!

When I was serving a mission for the LDS church in Virginia that was the one song we seemed to sing as a group at every meeting (besides Called to Serve:) )

Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?
Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone’s burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?
[Chorus]
Then wake up and do something more
Than dream of your mansion above.
Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,
A blessing of duty and love.
There are chances for work all around just now,
Opportunities right in our way.
Do not let them pass by, saying, “Sometime I’ll try,”
But go and do something today.
’Tis noble of man to work and to give;
Love’s labor has merit alone.
Only he who does something helps others to live.
To God each good work will be known.
Text and music: Will L. Thompson, 1847–1909, alt.

I can attest that the joy I felt on my mission was undescribable. To  be able to put my own life aside for a year and a half when I was 21 and 22 years old, and totally focus on others and there needs was a blessing and life changing. So much so that knowing I was nearing the end of my mission- I asked my mission president if I could stay out just a little longer and was able to stay one more month.  I solidified something I had already learned by my parents example- that there is great joy to be found in service. The Lord knew what he was talking about when he said in Mathew 16:25 "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."


President Ezra Taft Benson taught:

“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life” (“Jesus Christ—Gifts and Expectations,” Ensign, Dec. 1988, 4).

In the 12 step tradition of alcoholics anonymous-the last step says:

 " Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

I work as a medical social worker at a hospital and have worked with many alcoholics who have come to the hospital with medical complications due to their drinking. One of the greatest things for me to see is the joy I see in the face of one of our AA volunteers. He is a man in his 60s who comes within hours of our phone call- to visit with any alcoholic willing to talk to him about the AA process and how it has changed his life. His enthusiasm to share what he has learned through his healing process shines through and he says that the process of following this 12th step and reaching out to others, is what keeps him on the recovery path.

The 12 step program continues to be the most successful program out there for alcohol addition recover. As a result, the LDS church has adopted the 12 step program and uses it throughout the world to help with any form of addiction. You can get more information at https://arp.lds.org. (I believe that the process also works for any type of healing, healing of addiction, healing from trauma, healing from mental illness, or other forms of healing.)

I quote from the ARP manual's step twelve. It says

"To remain free of addiction, you must get outside yourself and serve. The desire to help others is a natural result of spiritual awakening. You have a message of hope for other addicts, for allafflicted and troubled people who are willing to consider a spiritual approach to changing their lives, and for anyone seeking truth and righteousness. The message is that God is a God of miracles, just as He has always been (see Moroni 7:29). Your life proves that. You are becoming a new person through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. You will share this message best through your efforts to serve others. As you serve, your understanding and knowledge of this process is strengthened and deepened. Sharing your testimony of His mercy and His grace is one of the most important services you can offer. Bearing the burdens of others through acts of kindness and selfless service is part of your new life as a follower of Christ."

All that said-there is a reason that service is step #12 (the very last step of healing) Again from the ARP manual-

"In your enthusiasm to help others, be sure to keep a balance between sharing the message and working on your own program. Your primary focus must continue to be to apply these principles yourself. Your efforts to share these ideas with others will be only as effective as the recovery you maintain."
As you heal from the trauma you have been through -you will find this 12th step of serving others -one that grounds you. As you reach out to others with your love and your experiences, your own healing will be solidified.

I wanna see you be BRAVE

"Brave" -Sara Bareillees

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I love to listen to vocal point. They are so fun! I liked their version of the song Brave. This song reminds us how it takes courage to say what you want to and need to say to others and to not be silent. Through your child abuse -your voice was not heard, your voice was silenced! Now as an adult you can give voice to that silent suffering child. How have you done so already ? What are some ways that you can do so now. What has worked ? What has made you feel powerful? What has not? There are many ways to give voice to that child within you! Write a letter to that child. What would the nurturing adult you- like to say to that little child? What did that child need to say and what did it need to hear?

 

Grief

We have talked before about how those who have been sexually abused go through a grieving process. There are many losses that they have experienced. Grief is a natural reaction to intense loss.

Pandy.org talks about some of these stages of grief. I quote them below.

http://www.pandys.org/articles/sexualviolenceandgrief.html

Stages of Grief 
          You may not experience all stages, and you might not experience them in this order. You might even go back a stage or two as new memories surface or you deal with new emotions. However, it can help to identify where you are in the process of recovery and to see each stage not as a conclusion, but as a step on the journey to recovery.

1. Shock and Denial - "It can’t happen to me!"

After experiencing sexual violence, there’s such total confusion and disbelief that a person often goes numb; the mind-body system has to shut down. It is also common for a survivor to deny that what happened or to downplay it.

2. Fear, Panic and Shame - "What do I do now?"

Once the shock wears off, you are no longer numb. There are some predictable next steps, such as profound anxiety and vulnerability: how will I survive this loss of innocence, the violation, living my life again? There’s a mounting sense of being out of control, which for many survivors also evokes feelings of shame and inadequacy. And this lack of control, not surprisingly, can make the memory of the sexual violence even worse. A survivor may feel like his or her life is over, like the spirit has died.

3. Rage and/or Helplessness - "How dare someone do this to me!"

Often people in this phase swing between rage and profound sadness. Both states can be induced by deep underlying vulnerability or helplessness. You’ve been wounded, feel exposed and just want to lash out. Or you turn the rage inward in depression and self-hatred. Now it’s crawling under the covers of escapism, or going through the motions of living or, even, straining as hard as you can to reign victorious over your basic unworthiness; to battle a fear of failure and lurking dread of being sucked into that compelling black hole of helplessness.

Though the only person responsible for sexual violence is the perpetrator, many survivors are likely to over attribute self-responsibility, that is, to blame themselves for what happened. It is often easier to try to blame yourself than to understand why someone else would hurt another person the way you've been hurt. That's why the next phase, while often maddening, is also essential for moving through the grief process.

4. Guilt and Ambivalence -

The feelings and old voices of guilt and shame (violating or compromising an internalized core value or essential part of your self-identity, integrity and esteem) can become louder and more incessant. Self-directed rage keeps taunting you for shortcomings, unworthiness, etc., and can ultimately drain you.

It is at this stage that many survivors wonder if the pain will ever end. You might be part of a support group, seeing therapy, journaling -but feel like nothing is helping. At this point, it is important to reach out. Hold onto hope. It will get better.

5. Focused Anger and Letting Go - "Finding the good from out of the bad"

To reach that powerful, purposeful and passionate state of focused anger a survivor must often blend rage and sadness. Some rage can propel us out of a shocked, paralyzed or ambivalent state. Yet, you must also face your sadness and loss and struggle with uncertainty to temper uncontrollable aggression, to make sadder yet wiser assessments and decisions.

If you’ve worked hard to integrate the previous stages then the reward is "focused anger": "What happened to me was terrible and wrong...but is there another side?" You’re ready to loosen the knot of hurt and pain. You're ready to see that you are now stronger, wiser, and capable of reclaiming your voice and your life. At this stage survivors frequently start using their experiences to help others (for instance, speaking out or volunteering at a rape crisis center). Though what happened to us was wrong and can never be justified, we might even begin to see the gifts that survival has given us.

6. Exploration and New Identity or going from victim to survivor to thriver (even if you're scared).

Letting go is often unnerving. You've invested so much into simply surviving. You might feel like being a survivor is the only thing that defines you. But at this stage, you've incorporated what happened into your life - it is not who you are, but just part of who you are. You'll likely find that you think about what happened a lot less.

This vulnerable yet fluid state provides unprecedented opportunities to get to know yourself, to assess your true individuality – strengths and weaknesses – and not only as it relates to sexual violence. Now is the time for a full scale person-in-situation life inventory. How healthy or toxic are seemingly vital relationships and friendships? What about your health? During this transitional window, do dysfunctional coping patterns -- habits of drinking, smoking, taking drugs, eating, lack of exercise and limited socializing or spiritual support -- need to be challenged? What do you need to truly move forward?

1. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD, is credited with the original five stages of grief in On Death & Dying, (Simon & Schuster/Touchstone), 1969. These Stages of Grief are adapted here, with permission, from http://www.stressdoc.com/grief_depression.htm. Mark Gorkin, LICSW, known as "The Stress Doc" ™, is the Internet's and America Online's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. An experienced psychotherapist, "The Doc" is a nationally recognized speaker, and training and OD consultant specializing in Stress, Anger Management, Reorganizational Change, Team Building and HUMOR! Check out his USA Today Online "Hotsite" Website -- http://www.stressdoc.com. For info on his workshops or for his free newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 202-232-8662.

"I feel my Saviors Love."

As I have driven around this past week my heart has been so full with grattitude for the beautiful fall colors! Fall came late this year in Illinois, but the colors burst this week. For me -I feel our Saviors love when I see the beautiful world he has created. It brings me great joy. I have always found great joy through the marvels of nature. I have my mom to thank for that. Growing up I remember her pointing out the Blue Spruce trees, or newly blooming tulips. She was an artist and she and her own mother did lots of landscape art.

I have been blessed to have had the chance to travel the world in my youth. To the amazing dark green hills of Kenya and lush greenery of Hawaii to the chance to sit on Mount Siani and see the most amazing sunset with camels in the background. I have white water rafted down the Zambini river and boated on the Nile. I have seen the wonders of the African Animal Reserveses and hiked to and around the amazing Victoria Falls. I have seen the Egyptian pyramids and The beauty throughout France, Italy , Germany and England. I have travelled the United states with my own husband and children and relished in the beauty of The Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, the beautiful canyons of southern Utah, The beauty of Yellowstone National Park and its geisers.

 One of my very favorite memories of beauty was at the BYU Center in Isreal. I remember walking in silence and darkness -the path from the Upper room where Christ held the Last Supper to The Garden of Gethsemene. I remember looking up at a bright Full Orange Moon in awe. It was lower in the sky then I had ever seen. We silently returned to the BYU center and went into the chapel that has open Glass most of the way around and it looks down onto the the old city of Jeruselm. My heart was so full that evening.

 I remember walking along the Sea of Gallillee at night with the moon shining on the water imagining what it would have been like to have been there and seen the Savior. Those are just a few of some of the most poignant memories of the world we live in and the ways it has witnessed to me that there is a god! One of my favorite childrens hymns talks about our Saviors love that he Freely gives us. There is nothing we have to do to earn his love. It is a gift--it is free! The songs lyrics say...

I feel my Savior's love

In all the world around me.

His Spirit warms my soul

Through ev'rything I see.

I feel my Savior's love; Its gentleness enfolds me,And when I kneel to pray,

My heart is filled with peace.

I feel my Savior's love

And know that he will bless me.

I offer him my heart;

My shepherd he will be.
I'll share my Savior's love

By serving others freely.

In serving I am blessed.

In giving I receive.

 

He knows I will follow him,Give all my life to him.I feel my Savior's love,The love he freely gives me. (Children's Songbook, 74-75)

I am posting a video of this song by the mormon tabernacle choir. In it , it depicts our Savior's visit to the american continent- just after his resurection. In the bible he is recorded saying,

John 10:16 "And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd."

As Latterday Saints we believe that after the Savior was resurected that he did do just that. We believe that he visited other of his children and some of those he visited were on the american continent.  A record of his visit there is found in the Book of Mormon starting in 3 Nephi chapter 11. I invite you to go to this link and read this account. http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/11?lang=eng

The video below depicts this visit and how he healed the sick and blessed the little children.

Post by LDS Videos.

I believe that Jesus Christ's unconditional love for you is key to your healing! He can heal your physical, spiritual and emotional sicknesses. It may not be as immediate as some of the accounts we read of in the bible, but he does heal!

"You can do it, now"

Edler Uchdtorf  is one of my favorite speakers. I always love his talks. He would not remember me, but I remember when I met him in person. I had the privilage of serving a mission with his son. His son was my district leader and was dedicated, hard working, cheerful and always optimistic. We ended up both being released from our missions the same day. On our last day, missionaries being released were given the opportunity to go through the Washington D.C. Temple together. (I served in the Washington D.C. South mission) Elder Uchdtorf's parents had flown from Germany to pick him up and were at the temple with us. I remember shaking President Uchdtorfs hand . He had a firm handshake and a bright smile and I could feel the strength  of his spirit. It was not until years later that he was called as a general authority. I feel that same spirit when I listen to his talks.

A few weeks ago he talked about rising up dusting ourselves off and moving forward when we fall or when moving forward seems impossible. (You Can Do it Now!,  Elder Uchdtorf Oct Ensign 2013)
He says.

 "When I was young, falling and getting up seemed to be one and the same motion. Over the years, however, I have come to the unsettling conclusion that the laws of physics have changed—and not to my advantage.

Not long ago I was skiing with my 12-year-old grandson. We were enjoying our time together when I hit an icy spot and ended up making a glorious crash landing on a steep slope.

I tried every trick to stand up, but I couldn’t—I had fallen, and I couldn’t get up.

I felt fine physically, but my ego was a bit bruised. So I made sure that my helmet and goggles were in place, since I much preferred that other skiers not recognize me. I could imagine myself sitting there helplessly as they skied by elegantly, shouting a cheery, “Hello, Brother Uchtdorf!”

I began to wonder what it would take to rescue me. That was when my grandson came to my side. I told him what had happened, but he didn’t seem very interested in my explanations of why I couldn’t get up. He looked me in the eyes, reached out, took my hand, and in a firm tone said, “Opa, you can do it now!”Instantly, I stood.

I am still shaking my head over this. What had seemed impossible only a moment before immediately became a reality because a 12-year-old boy reached out to me and said, “You can do it now!” To me, it was an infusion of confidence, enthusiasm, and strength.

There may be times in our lives when rising up and continuing on may seem beyond our own ability. That day on a snow-covered slope, I learned something. Even when we think we cannot rise up, there is still hope. And sometimes we just need someone to look us in the eyes, take our hand, and say, “You can do it now!”

 

                               

"my dear friends, there will be times when you think you cannot continue on. Trust the Savior and His love. With faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and the power and hope of the restored gospel, you will be able to walk tall and continue on.

We acknowledge that your path will at times be difficult. But I give you this promise in the name of the Lord: rise up and follow in the footsteps of our Redeemer and Savior, and one day you will look back and be filled with eternal gratitude that you chose to trust the Atonement and its power to lift you up and give you strength.

 

My dear friends and brethren, no matter how many times you have slipped or fallen, rise up! Your destiny is a glorious one! Stand tall and walk in the light of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ! You are stronger than you realize. You are more capable than you can imagine. You can do it now!"

 

Throughout your healing process you will falter, you will fall, and you will loose hope sometimes, but as you press forward you will find (as Elder Uchdtorf said) that you are far more capable then you can imagine!!