How do I go about choosing a therapist or therapy model?

That is a good question. One though, that you may find many different opinions on, depending on who you are talking too. There have been multiple studies over the years trying to determine what is the most successful type of counseling modality. Many studies have shown that it is not the modality or type of counseling that makes the most difference-but instead the client-therapist relationship.

The success of therapy in fact has many factors; your relationship with the counselor, the counselors knowledge, your readiness to apply what you are learning, and much more.

Some of the most commone types of counseling you will see for survivors of sexual abuse are:

1.Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy :  This model emphasizes the interdependence of thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. It involves carefully and gradually “exposing” yourself to thoughts, feelings, and situations that remind you of the trauma. It also involves identifying upsetting thoughts about the traumatic event–particularly thoughts that are distorted and irrational—and replacing them with more balanced picture. Other examples of this type of treatment would be teaching relaxation methods, teaching clients to identify and express feelings, teaching self soothing activites.

2. Cognitive Processing Therapy: this is brief and structured . It consists of exposure to the traumatic memories and then learning how to restructure these memories.

4. EMDR-Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: this incorporates elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy with eye movements or other forms of rhythmic stimulation. While thinking of or talking about memories, a patient will focus on other stimuli like eye movements, hand taps, and sounds. This theory is based on the idea that when a traumatic experience occurs, it  overwhelms normal neurological coping mechanisms. The memory is therefore not adequately processed. The goal of EMDR therapy is to process these distressing memories, reducing their lingering effects.

How do you go about choosing a therapist? Dr. Carlfred Broderick says that after your first session you should ask yourself :

• Does the therapist seem to understand and care how I feel?
•  Does he or she see clearly what is going on?
• Do this person’s ideas make common sense, or do they seem strange, dumb, or outrageous?

He suggests that if the answers to these questions are not satisfactory, you probably do not trust the therapist and should look for another.

*Child sexual abuse: A critical review of intervention and treatment modalities RachelLev-Wieselwww.sciencedirect.com

*Child Physcial and Sexual guidelines for Treatment, Jan 2003 National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center. Medical University of South Carolina.

*I have a Questions Val MacMurray Ensign Jan 1983

Overcoming hopelessness - Nick Vujicic at TEDxNoviSad

I wanted to continue talking about hope, as I know there is so much hopelessness in our wold today and even more hopelessness for those struggling with the effects of child abuse. I cannot say enough about hope, so you will find many more blogs on the topic.

I wanted to share another TED video. I love TED as it has powerful messages in a small package. Most of us aren't going to sit and watch a long video, but we all have 10 minutes to listen. This talk is by Nick Vujicic. Nick Vujicic was born in Australia to a Serbian immigrant family, with a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs. Throughout his childhood he struggled with depression and suicidality.  He brings a message of hope and talks about the importance of turning obstacles into opportunites and walls into doors. He says that we all have a choice no matter what our life circumstance are. We can choose to be angry or we can choose to be grateful for what we do have. I will be blogging about anger in the future, becuase I do feel there are some good things about anger. But that is a topic for another blog. Enjoy Nick's message of hope.

HOPE

I wanted to take a moment to talk about hope. I know that the healing process is often frought with anxiety, fear and feelings of hopelessness. I have had clients ask me repeatedly "Will I ever be healed".  Treatment will never take away the fact that the abuse happened. Memories of those events will not disappear, but with time they will have less effect on your daily life. With help, you will have less intrusive thoughts. You will learn how to better manage intense emotions and find it easier to take part in areas of life that you may have previously avoided. Hyperarousal will lesson and may even go away. It WILL get easier.

There may be periods of time that are more difficult than others -where you will need the support of a therapist. Having to return to a therapist after a period of time -when things had been going well- does not mean you have failed at healing. Survivors find that certain life events, situations, places or people may trigger emotions and memories and that is ok. That period WILL pass and as you continue to use the knowledge and coping skills you have gained, each triggering event will play a less intense part of your life. 

We do not have to do this alone and we are not meant to do it it alone. You can help each other and the Master healer Jesus Christ will guide you through the healing process. Often he does not take our trials away, but he will give us the strenghth to move forward.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks also taught: "All that will come may be “clasped in the arms of Jesus.”All souls can be healed by His power. All pain can be soothed. In Him, we can “find rest unto [our] souls.”  Our mortal circumstances may not immediately change, but our pain, worry, suffering, and fear can be swallowed up in His peace and healing balm” (Ensign, Nov. 2006, 7–8)

Elder Richard G. Scott has promised us that,

“The Lord has provided a way for you to overcome the destructive results of others' acts against your will ... you must understand that you are free to determine to overcome the harmful results of abuse...Trust that the Lord will lead you to a solution. (Ensign May 1992)

He also said 

 "We see such a limited part of the eternal plan He has fashioned for each one of us. Trust Him, even when in eternal perspective it temporarily hurts very much. Have patience when you are asked to wait when you want immediate action. He may ask you to do things which are powerfully against your will. Exercise faith and say, Let Thy will be done. Such experiences, honorably met, prepare you and condition you for yet greater blessings. As your Father, His purpose is your eternal happiness, your continuing development, your increasing capacity. His desire is to share with you all that He has. The path you are to walk through life may be very different from others. You may not always know why He does what He does, but you can know that He is perfectly just and perfectly merciful. He would have you suffer no consequence, no challenge, endure no burden that is superfluous to your good.” (Ensign Nov 1991)

Again, I have so much more to say on this subject and will share more as we continue to blog. I hope that you can take a moment to share a message of hope with each other. Things that have helped you through your own process off healing. Please use the comment section or feel free to email us at considerthelilies28@gmail.com

Guest Post - From Someone Who Understands

There was a shadow cast upon my life, that did not come from my own choices.  But from the abusive decisions of another.  For a while I felt that I would always have to live my life in a shameful shadow.  But eventually I have come to realize that I was not meant to live within that same hindering shadow.  Just because you have experienced abuse does not mean you will never be able to be normal or be a powerful instrument in the hand of our Heavenly Father. 

While reflecting upon the many struggles I had within my own life while overcoming my past.  I am reminded of the words to the song Let Him Heal Your Heart, by Serving with Strength throughout the World. 

            Who can know the heartache you are feeling deep inside.

            Who can know the burdens you’ve carried all your life.

            Darkness feels the daylight and the road is much too long.

            Where are Heaven’s answers and the strength to carry on…

            Let Him Heal Your Heart…

Abraham was also a victim of his father’s abuse.  In fact, his father offered him up as a sacrifice to idols.  Now if anyone had some serious emotional scarring to overcome it was Abraham.

But as we read in Abraham we notice a pattern for overcoming the affects of abuse especially on our own self esteem.  First, of course he had to be rescued from his situation.  In Abraham’s case he was rescued by an angel.  In our case it might not be an angel that rescues us.  In my life it was mainly my angel mother.  So you need to get out of the abusive situation, either by telling a trusted adult, or your bishop. 

Next Heavenly Father showed Abraham all of his creations.  Then Heavenly Father tells him, “ my wisdom excelleth them all, for I rule in the heavens above, and in the earth beneath”. (Abraham 3:21).  Then He proceeds to give Abraham his patriarchal blessing,  “ Now the Lord has shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these were many of the noble and great ones; And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said:  these I will make my rulers; for He stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me:  Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou was born” (Abraham 3:22-23).  You see Heavenly Father taught Abraham that Abraham could forget everything anyone had ever said about him.  Or everything anyone had ever done to him to make him feel less than.  Because God is all knowing and he knew Abraham before he was born, just as He knew us before we were born.  Heavenly Father let Abraham know who he really was.  Since I have gotten my own patriarchal blessing I have had to read it often to remind me of how my Heavenly Father views me.  Especially when I start to feel unworthy.

Then Heavenly Father teaches Abraham about Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation.  Because Heavenly Father knows that the only way to overcome the affects of abuse is through our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I too had to realize that I had certain weaknesses and character flaws due to the abuse I experienced as a young child that I had to overcome.  At times I had a difficulty in being assertive, and hating men.  I was able to overcome my problem of being passive through help from my parents and a little counseling.  I always thought that I was not worthy enough to marry a nice young man because I feared that no man who was nice would want to marry a woman with such a dark past.  So I had a tendency of not so nice men.  I had not forgiven myself, I did not view myself the way Heavenly Father viewed me.  In Isaiah 1:18 it states, “ Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord:  though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;  though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”  Although I had grown up in the gospel my whole life I did not truly believe that scripture, that I was pure.

I did not realize I hated men until I was older.  A bishop had to point it out to me.  I denied it at first.  Then one day I was on a date with a nice young man and he said the ever so common words, “but I don’t want to hurt you”.  Immediately, welling inside me I heard myself say with such utter venom,” Yeah, right”.  I was very caught back by myself.  Later on I discussed this with my bishop, and he helped me forgive myself and those who had harmed me.  Then I was able to experience God’s love.  I could not feel the love of God in my heart because I was harboring hate for not just the one’s who had wronged me, but for all men.  Even though I felt justified in hating, forgiving them was essential to my healing.  Part of my suffering came from the inability to forgive those who had harmed me and feeling the great burden that comes from not forgiving.  It stifled my ability to feel God’s love in my heart.  And once the burden has been lifted from your shoulders do not pick it up again.

I realized when I was in high school that the cards were stacked against me.  That I had something hard to overcome.  But I had had a lesson on the Lehi’s dream and I knew right then that I would need to cling to the iron rod if I was going to make it.  There is a scripture in Alma 37:45 that I will paraphrase…”shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course carry us beyond this vale of sorrow.”  So I read my scriptures every day and still continue to. The promise is real, they did carry me beyond my vale of sorrow.

I have had many times of overwhelming and utter despair in my life due to the abuse.  But I can tell you that those moments have brought me to the feet of my Savior. I know through those experiences that Jesus Christ is my Savior…my personal Savior.  He is waiting to heal you.  It does not always happen at once.   You must unravel the web of abuse in your mind and soul… possibly with a friend or a counselor first.  And as you do His grace will heal you.  Look to God and LIVE.(Alma 37:47)

Depression

Many studies over the years have found that there is a significant risk of mental illness to adult victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Studies have shown that the early stressors of chidhood sexual abuse especially predisposes individuals to depression and substance abuse as adults.

There is still much we are learning about the brain and how it functions, but scientists have found that traumatic experiences such as child abuse actually changes the chemistry and structure of the brain. It sensitizes the stress response system so that those abused become overly responsive to their environment and stressors. With exposure to trauma, individuals may find that even a small degree of stress results in excessive stress hormones. These stress hormones effect the structure of the brain and can produce the symptoms we know as depression. (Ten Year Research Update Review, Frank Putnam, Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Vol 42, Issue 3, March 2003, Pages 269–278)

Because of this I wanted to take a moment to focus on depression.

Most people have felt sad- but depression is an illness that affects daily functioning or lasts longer then a few weeks.

Symptoms of Depression:  A range of symptoms that may be felt

• Inability to find pleasure in things you once enjoyed.
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or worthlessness.
• Exaggerated sense of guilt or self-blame.
• Loss of sexual desire.
• Dissatisfaction with life in general
• Withdrawal from others or activities.
• Neglect of responsibilities and appearance.
• Irritability
• Impaired memory, inability to concentrate, indecisiveness, and confusion.
• Reduced ability to cope with stressors
• Chronic fatigue and lack of energy.
• Loss of appetite or compulsive eating.
• Insomnia, early morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping.
• Unexplained headaches, backaches, stomach aches, or nausea.

When is professional help needed?

• Your emotional pain or problems outweigh pleasures much of the time.
• Symptoms are affecting day to day functioning (your job, your social life, family relationships, or school). 
• When symptoms persists for more then a few weeks.
• When stress is so bad that suicide feels like an option.

There is much more to be said about depression and I am sure I will blog some more about it. Depression is the most common of mental illnesses with an estimated 1 in 10 adults reporting Depression. I thought this map was interesting to look at.


Data Source: CDC. Current Depression Among Adults --- United States, 2006 and 2008. MMWR 2010;59(38);1229-1235. (this map includes revised state estimates)

For now I wanted to share another TED talk. Although this young man does not atribute his depression to abuse. I think that he does a great job of explaining how depression has affected his life. What I love about his talk is his desire to destigmatize mental illness and depression. He makes it ok to begin talking about it.

Healing with the Spirit

Overcoming childhood sexual abuse is a unique process as Jennifer mentioned below in her previous post.  It is also a changing process which can be frustrating at times.  There are things that have helped me in the past to take leaps and bounds in healing which I've come to find are ineffective years later.  There are also multiple blogs, therapies, and research studies that can prove one type of healing to be more effective than another.  It is my experience that not only are all of us different, so different things will work for us than others, but it is also important to note that depending on what we are facing in a specific time in our lives will change what is effective or not.

It is vital to be patient in this process not only with ourselves but those around us.  Healing from childhood sexual abuse is most successful when accompanied by the Spirit.  Heavenly Father truly understands what will help us to overcome and become.

"He loves us. He weeps with us when we suffer and rejoices when we do what is right. Heavenly Father has provided us, His children, with a way to be successful in this life and to return to live in His presence."  (Preach My Gospel)

Today I was thinking about different types of survivors of abuse.  There are those who can supress their past and still have a fulfilling life, there are some that are angry and find comfort in that anger, some are continually spewing there past out to anyone they come in contact with, others are bitter and believe if God was a loving God He wouldn't have allowed those things to happen to them.  Regardless of what type of survivor you are through the Spirit we can be guided to the process of healing that will bring lasting happiness and peace.  Most likely it will be a lifelong process but as our circumstances change Heavenly Father can help us understand what we need even when we do not.  

Often times when I think about my own personal journey of healing it is coupled with much fasting and prayer.   Not only have I prayed for strength and courage to face things to difficult to handle on my own but I have included those around me (including therapists), who are seeing to help, in my prayers.   When I have felt overwhelmed and unsure on how to move forward those whom I have asked for help and have sought to follow the Spirit as well have given me exactly what I needed.  This is due to purity that Heavenly Father loves us, wants us to succeed, and as we show our faith He provides a way...often times through those around us.  

Therefore, verily I say unto you, lift up your voices unto this people; speak the thoughts that I shall put into your hearts, and you shall not be confounded before men;

 For it shall be given you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say. (Doc & Cov 100:5-6)

This scripture is often times referred to with missionary work but is applies to our everyday lives.  It is easy for me to get caught up in what to say and not to say in this blog and to individuals.  I think, "What do they need to hear, what do I need to say, is this going to be a trigger for someone or is this going to bring about healing..." My challenge is to "lift up [my] voice" and follow "the thoughts that I shall put into your hearts". 

From a professional standpoint this is also true for therapists and counselors.  Even with years of formal education and experience each client is different.  With the companionship of the Spirit you can and will be guided with your pure intents in aiding your clients to progress beyond your own capabilities.  This is something I rejoice in knowing.  We do not need to rely purely on our knowledge or lack there of but can receive guidance from the Spirit in healing and being healed by the Great Physician. 

Stop Bullying Yourself - Jessica's "Daily Affirmation"

"Survivors often resent being judged. We have judged and punished ourselves for years. We are usually harder on ourselves that anyone else can be."

Its true, I beat myself up often and am extremely hard on myself.  It is a fault I have.  In reality I am just continuing the pattern of abuse by bullying myself however at times I falsely think being hard on myself helps to get things done.  Its something I'm working on. There is a great article that states, "Some foolishly believe they are helping motivate themselves to higher action by their attacks. Unfortunately, the harvest is more guilt and shame, not excellence of performance." (http://waterfallconcept.org/stop-bullying-yourself-2/)

Recently I was on a long flight returning home.  It's not often strangers can have such an uplifting and deepening conversation on a plane because they usually pop in their ear buds, watch a movie, listen to music, or sleep.  Its "safer" to stay as distant as you can to the person you are sharing such a small space with.

I wasn't planning on telling this person my life story but instead to be open to simple conversation and practice opening up and trusting which I have a hard time doing.  I wanted to challenge myself and thought, "If I open up to whoever I sit next to I will most likely never see them again so even if I do fail or it turns out horribly it will be ok." I considered it practice in opening up and trusting someone for a short time.  What's the worst that could happen?  Also I figured this was one of the safest places to do this.  Everyone on the plane had to pass security and if there was a problem on the plane there are plenty of people to come to my aid.

The conversation ended up being very uplifting due to both of us mutually listening and opening up in a "safe" manner.  It can be hard to safely trust  because to trust means to take steps of faith that the other person will not cause pain or rather lasting pain. 

I was grateful that my experience was a positive one.  Towards the end of the flight the person I was sitting next to turned to me and said, "I've been very impressed with you.  You have done a lot with your life.  Thank you for your example." At first I was taken aback and began immediately to tell myself not to believe this stranger and that they really didn't know me.  Then it hit me, I was beating myself up and needed to believe this person. Once I was able to accept this compliment I felt uplifted and GREAT!

"Leichtling suggests we learn to create an inner coach that can stand up to and dispute our bully: “Choose the future we want to create and to pursue it with determination, courage, perseverance and grit. When we accomplish this, our paths open up. Our internal self-talk stops being negative and becomes encouraging and strengthening. We develop realistic goals and expectations. We motivate ourselves by desire for the future we want instead of by avoiding the pain of old wounds lacerated.”

"When we stop being a bystander and stand up to our bully, good things happen. Like all bullies the self-bully is not very brave and backs down when faced with courage. When our bully leaves us alone, we find a new emotional strength. Peace and confidence can return to our lives and we can begin to express our gifts." (http://waterfallconcept.org/stop-bullying-yourself-2/)

Below is something, with humor, I recommend all of us doing on a daily basis to overcome the bullying we have been taught to unfortunately do so well. 

Some quick thoughts I have had this past week

I wanted to share some thoughts I have had this week and hope I can express myself in a way that makes sense. I have worried that I may say things that are offensive or opposite to your own experiences in healing. I do not want you to think that I feel I am the expert. I will blog things that have spoken to me as a professional or to my clients, but that does not mean that what I blog is the only way to heal or to think of things.

 I feel that the real experts are each of you.  The purpose in creating this website was not for me to blog about what I think and have studied. My hope instead was that it will become a place where people will feel safe to share their own experiences. I do not want this website to be a place of "fluff". I want it to speak to real experiences and real people.

I feel that you will learn far more from each other than from myself. I understand that this is messy stuff to talk about and I don't every want to gloss over the fact that it is heart wrenching- soul stretching work. to try to heal from abuse. That is where each of you can bring life to this blog. It is those of you who are doing that soul stretching work that will speak to others who are experiencing similar feelings. I do know how hard it is to share your experience and thoughts and understand if you do not feel ready. That said- the one thing I have heard so many of those I counsel say is that they have wished they had someone to look to-- who has taken this path before.  I welcome feedback and resources!

Stages of Healing

I am sorry I did not write down the reference of where I got this, but I felt it spoke well to the process of healing and wanted to share.

 

STAGES IN THE HEALING PROCESS

• The decision to heal after recognition of the effects, making a commitment to go through the healing process.
• The emergency stage happens when memories and feelings emerge and can appear to be as strong as the initial crisis of abuse.
• Remembering incidents and feelings of the past abuse occurs even if they have been repressed.
• Believing it happened and that it was hurtful is a necessary stage in the process.
• Breaking silence helps reduce the shame of being a victim and changes the childhood pattern of keeping the secret.
• Understanding that it wasn’t their fault is another stage that reverses the self-blame and places responsibility on the abuser.
• Making contact with the child within is necessary to feel compassion for the vulnerable child they were and integrate this with the adult survivor they are now.
• Trusting oneself in your perceptions and feelings becomes a new guide for action.
• Grieving and mourning the pain of the past, letting it go, and moving on.
• Anger — the backbone of healing is a liberating emotion that needs to be directed at those responsible for the abuse.
• Disclosures and confrontations with the abuser are not for every victim/survivor but can be a very powerful act of healing. Forgiveness of the abuser is not a necessary part of the healing process, but forgiveness for oneself is essential.
• Spirituality is a personal experience that is found through one’s own choice of traditional religion, meditation, nature or a support group. Having a sense of power greater than oneself can be helpful in the healing process.
•  Resolution and moving on are a result of working through the process of healing, dealing with the abuse as a part of your history, and integrating this into a new changed perspective on life.

Having worked with clients in the varied levels of healing, I can attest that the process is always unique. Never compare your own progress to someone elses. Your abuse was unique to you and your healing will be unique. There is not one right way to heal. I also feel it is important not to put expectations on yourself on how quickly you go through the healing process. Although there is much you can do to aide in the healing, ultimately healing is a gift and we need to be patient with ourselves and the process. One thing I can promise is that healing takes time. It is not linear and you don't go through the above process in a specific order. Infact, you most likely will move through these stages more then once.

Hearts as Gold: The Process of Excavating and Refining Gold

"And He will heal those who trust Him, and make their hearts as gold."

 

Christ can make our hearts as gold through the power of the Atonement.  The process of excavating and turning gold into beauty is a refining process.  It is not done in one day.  It takes work, HARD work but it is worth it.  

In “Refined in our Trials” by James E. Faust he mentions, “First gold can have many impurities. Heat separates the impurities from the gold, leaving the gold pure and beautiful. This process is compared to what happens to us when we overcome trials, and bear testimony of what the Apostle Peter taught: “The trial of your faith [is] much more precious than of gold that perisheth.”

All of us have the potential to have our hearts become as gold regardless of what we have been through, done, or experienced in our lives.  As I have been thinking about this blog I can see how the song “Consider the Lilies” is very applicable.  We will be changing the URL or web address from www.jenniferwestlcsw.blogspot.com to www.HeartsasGold.blogspot.com and work on setting up a website which will be www.HeartsasGold.com.  We are not there yet but we’re working on it. 

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I have felt far from being as gold and definitely of much less value. I was devalued and treated as an object rather than a daughter of God. Refining gold is a hard, dirty process and so is the healing process.  There are times I've felt it wasn't worth trying to heal, trying to overcome the beast of abuse because regardless of what I did I was still effected by it in some way. 

During the healing process in overcoming childhood sexual abuse we are able to purge ourselves from the pain and effects caused by others because of the Savior's atoning sacrifice for us.  Often refining is referred to becoming more pure through our afflictions, "For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." (1 Nephi 20:10) 

Being blunt, childhood sexual abuse sucks, there is nothing good about it.  It has caused the greatest pain in my life.  I've questioned, "Whats wrong with me? Why can't I handle this? Why do I struggle with ____?" I've pleaded that those I care about wouldn't feel the effects of the abuse but they do because there are things that I just struggle with, regardless of how hard I push myself.  For example, there are times when I have a hard time with any type of physical contact and wasn't capable of giving someone a hug when they need it from me.  In these simple moments I've felt I was allowing the abuse to effect those I cared about which was devastating. 

Survivors of abuse are often very hard on themselves, as you can see above, but it is when we can learn to love ourselves as the Savior does these difficult questions are "purged" and we become more refined, whole, and heal. I have found that we must learn how to have compassion and patience for ourselves in this process.  This has been key to my heart changing and becoming "as gold".  There is great power that comes as we are compassionate and patient.  It is not easy but when I am able to take a step back, validate my emotions, and be kind to myself when I feel the effects of the abuse the Atonement seeps in and healing occurs.  I'm learning that refinement or healing does not come from just pounding gold with a hammer but rather from intense heat and a careful step by step process. 

It has always been difficult for me to see the “silver lining” with the painful experiences I have gone through but knowing that my heart will one day be as gold as I seek to be refined by the Atonement gives me hope.  I am not worthless, dirty, or a horrible person. The shame I feel by being sexually abused is removed in each step of the refining(healing) process.

"There are those who know pain and sorrow because of loss of loved ones; who know spiritual sorrow because children go astray; who experience loss of health, financial reverses, and emotional distress, and yet, like Job, resolve, “When he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10)."  God Will Have a Tried People - Howard W. Hunter

There is a verse in How Firm a Foundation that helps to describe this tender process:

 

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.

The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

This clip shows the process of excavating and refining gold. It is from the 70's and is a little humorous but I highly recommend watching it as you think about the refining process of healing from childhood sexual abuse.