Patience with Self

As you may have experienced or witnessed in others: it is common for victims of sexual abuse to struggle with low self esteem, guilt, shame, and self-blame. They can be their own worst critics. As we have talked about before: when you bully yourself you are in reality just continuing the pattern of abuse. Some who have been abused have a tendency towards "perfectionism". (We will talk about that in another blog.) You think that being hard on yourself is motivating. You are wrong.

One of the core steps of healing is learning to self sooth or to "parent" yourself. Parents understand that children are just children and that they will make mistakes-- that doing so is part of growing and maturing. Parents realize that their children need positive encouragement, that they need comforting, a bandage, their tears wiped and they require LOTS of patience. Many of you may not have had parents who modelled these behaviors or modelled it consistantly. They were unable to meet your emotional and physical needs and therefore you were never taught how to do this for yourself.

It is important and it is time to learn to parents yourselves. You may have to look to others for examples. One important way to be a parent to yourselves is to be patient with yourself. Healing takes time and it requires you to travel new territory.

I like how Marvin J. Ashton talks about patience. He says;

"May I ask you to think with me for a few moments about patience with self. Have more patience with yourself—more self-understanding. I would plead that we understand it is not our role to be self-condemning. I like to think when we are taught “Judge not, that ye be not judged,” that it has direct reference to us and our relationship with ourselves. We should not judge ourselves. We should teach ourselves patience—patience to believe in ourselves, patience to motivate ourselves, patience to believe that God and I can do it. When necessary, lean on the truth “I am a child of God.” God and I, with patience on my part, can do it. I remind you we do not have to worry about the patience of God, because he is the personification of patience, no matter where we have been, what we have done, or what we, to this moment, have allowed ourselves to think of ourselves. Two of Satan's greatest tools today are spreading impatience and discouragement. " -Marvin J. Ashton http://speeches.byu.edu/act=viewitem&id=36


How have you learned to be more patient with yourselves? What has helped you?