Self soothing

We have talked some about learning to nurture yourself.  As a counselor I regularly see how often we can get caught up in addictive behaviors due to a need to self sooth. Whether it is food, work, prescription drugs, alcohol, anger, sex, pornography, you name it.....All of this in an effort to make ourselves feel better.

One of the most important skills to emotional health is to learn to self sooth in emotionally healthy ways. You may find it surprising that these healthy ways are often quite simple and don't need to take a lot of time.The savior promised us that he would not leave us comfortless. John 14:18. The goal with self-soothing skills is to comfort yourself emotionally by doing things that are sensually pleasant (meaning using your senses) that are not harmful. Focusing your full attention on sensory inputs — on what you are physically experiencing in the moment (mindfulness) helps you get outside your head (and away from troubling thoughts, feelings, and impulses). The skills and techniques listed below are a starting point only. Everyone has to find what works for them, and it may be things that are not on these lists.

 With vision:

 Buy one beautiful flower

 Make one space in a room pretty

 Light a candle and watch the flame

 Set a pretty place at the table, using your best things, for a meal

 Go to a museum with beautiful art

 Go sit in the lobby of a beautiful old hotel

 Look at nature around you

 Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars

 Walk in a pretty part of town

 Fix your nails so they look pretty (even “real men” can do this)

 Look at beautiful pictures in a book

Go to a ballet or other dance performance, or watch one on TV

 Be mindful of each sight that passes in front of you, not lingering on anything

 With hearing

 Listen to beautiful or soothing music, or to invigorating and exciting music (many people recommend that country music be avoided, since the lyrics tend to be depressing). Classical can be very good, since there are no lyrics to trigger specific thoughts

 Pay attention to the sounds of nature (waves, birds, rainfall, leaves rustling) or listen to tapes of nature sounds

Sing your favorite songs or hymn

 Hum a soothing tune

 Learn to play an instrument

 Be mindful of any sounds that come your way, letting them go in one ear and out the other

 With smell

 Use your favorite perfume or lotions, or try them on in the store

 Spray fragrance in the air

 Light a scented candle

 Put lemon oil on your furniture

 Put potpourri in a bowl in your room

 Boil cinnamon

 Bake cookies, cake, or bread

 Smell the roses

 Walk in a wooded area and mindfully breathe in the fresh smells of nature

 With taste

 Have a good meal

 Have a favorite soothing drink such as herbal tea or hot chocolate (no alcohol)

 Treat yourself to a dessert

 Put whipped cream on hotchocolate (or,cereal, toast, ice cream, rocks, put whipped cream on almost anything)

 Sample flavors in an ice cream store

 Suck on a piece of peppermint candy

Chew your favorite gum

 Get a little bit of a special food you don’t usually spend the money on, such as fresh-squeezed orange juice

 Really taste the food you eat; eat one thing mindfully

 
With touch

 Take a bubble bath

 Put clean sheets on the bed

 Pet your dog or cat

 Have a massage

Soak your feet

 Put creamy lotion on your whole body

 Put a cold compress on your forehead. Or wrap your face in a very warm, damp facecloth (wonderfully relaxing)

 Sink into a really comfortable chair in your home, or find one in a luxurious hotel lobby

 Put on a silky blouse, dress, or scarf (satin or velour is also great, even for men)

 Try on fur-lined gloves or fur coats in a department store

Brush your hair for a long time

 Hug someone

 Experience whatever you are touching; notice touch that is soothing

When engaging in these strategies, make sure to focus completely on the task at hand. That is, be mindful of your senses and what you are experiencing, and anytime you are distracted, simply bring your attention back to what you are doing.(some ideas taken from Self-Soothing Skills, By Matthew Tull, PhD)