Validation

Childhood abuse teaches you that you don't matter. That you are on object to be preyed upon. And when children get the courage to share about their abuse -their experience and feelings are sometimes not validated. Too often children are not believed. And as these children grow into adults they continue to find that their feelings are not validated. I don't believe this is always intentional. You may have people in your life who have validated your experience and supported you and yet still in a moment of a flashback, fear, grief, or whatever feelings that follow-they just do not understand. They may say hurtful things or may expect healing to come too quickly. It is important for you to feel validated.

It might be helpful to give what I have pasted below -to those you are close to.  You could talk about ways they can help you feel more validated. You can also validate yourself. It is important that you learn to validate your own feelings. 


VALIDATION

To validate someone is to accept, understand and nurture their feelings. To validate is to acknowledge and accept one's unique identity and individuality. When we validate someone, we allow them to safely share their feelings and thoughts. We are reassuring them that it is okay to have the feelings they have. Sometimes validation entails listening, sometimes it can be a hug or a gentle touch. A few keys to validation are:

- Acknowledging the other person's feelings

- Identifying the feelings

- Offering to listen

- Helping them label the feelings

- Being there for them; remaining present

- Being patient

- Being accepting and non-judgmental


Here are some examples of validating comments:

I can see that you are really upset.

That must have left you feeling hopeless

You seem worried, troubled, scared, etc.


Here are a few questions which help the person release their feelings.

What bothers you the most about it?

How strongly are you feeling that (on a scale of 0-10)?

How come? How so? How's that?

It sounds like you are really feeling ____. Is that it?

What else bothered you______?

By validating someone we demonstrate that we care and that their feelings matter to us. Validation allows a person to release their feelings in a healthy, safe and supportive way.  http://core.eqi.org/eqe2012d.pdf