I am exhausted!
I've had to cut out a lot of less important things or put things on hold just to try to manage the chaos. Today after an insanely busy day at work I came home to grab a quick bite to eat, change my clothes, and then head back out. I managed to get something to eat, cold leftover pizza, and then headed upstairs to change my clothes. I sat down on my bed to take a moment to breath and woke up 7 hours later confused at why I felt rested yet it was only 3:00 am.
I'll be honest, its been hard to work on healing from childhood sexual abuse during all of this yet alone just trying keep my head above water. There are a few things that have helped me to keep this a daily focus. One thing I've done, not always well, is schedule time to heal. Some weeks I have had every waking moment booked and if I don't block time out to heal it can easily become something I will do later which means it wont happen. During my "healing time" I will journal, work on my "homework" from counseling, take time to feel, self-sooth which is what I do most of the time, read books on abuse or like topics, and so on.
Some days I literally do not have a minute to spare to just sit down. Sometimes taking time to heal has meant turning off the radio in the car on my way home to think about a flashback I had earlier in the day. Or focusing on the present while doing a task, mentally asking myself, "What are you physically feeling? What do you see? Are you warm, cold, tense? What do you smell?..." Finding ways to incorporate healing daily is important and may require creativity.
Healing from childhood sexual abuse takes time, energy, effort, and endurance. It is not an easy process. It has brought me to my knees daily. And at 6:00 am on a Sunday morning I find myself sitting here, exhausted, yet grateful for what I've become because of what I've gone through.
The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.
The man who never had to toil
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.
To gain and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.
Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.
Where thickest lies the forest growth,
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whose broken branches show the scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.
Good Timber
by Douglas Malloch
No comments:
Post a Comment
We would love to hear from you and understand there may be a need for anonymity so we have included anonymous posts availability.