Orphaned

My emotions about this topic are very raw today.  From my own experience and talking to other survivors of childhood sexual abuse who experience the abuse from a family member families are often filled with drama and negative emotions.  I have seen survivors who will leave home as early as they can to get away from the abusive situation never to return or have very limited communication with their families and keep a distance.  As important as family is in the gospel having this type of void in your life can be hard.  I know it is for me.

Recently my eyes were painfully opened again to the reality of this void.  Many days, especially today, I feel orphaned.  There are days I cry in sorrow wishing I had someone to comfort or mother me.  But instead I live in a mirage of family life void of un-manipulated love and compassion and full of comparisons and envy.  To say the least, it is frustrating. 

There is a book titled, "The Emotionally Absent Mother" by Jasmin Lee Cori that has helped me learn how to comfort and mother myself when needed.  On the cover it states it is "a guide to self-healing and getting the love you missed." 

The song, "Families Can Be Together Forever" has always been difficult for me.  It is easier to sing when I focus on the family I create verses the toxic family I come from however the level of turmoil it brings is still there.  "I have a fam'ly here on earth.  They are so good to me.  I want to share my life with them through all eternity."  They are so good to me? I have a hard enough time being with them on this earth let alone for eternity.

While I was out picking a few things up the other day I came across this quote, "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves."  Trying to focus on some sort of positive during this time of trial has helped somewhat and has helped me appreciate those I call my friends.  It does not make the situation or feelings of being orphaned and abandoned go away however it does comfort me knowing that there are people out there that care about me enough to at least call me their friend.

In times of feeling so orphaned and disconnected from family it is important to remember the Father of our Spirits, our Heavenly Father and our Brother Jesus Christ.  As alone as I have felt the last few days I know Christ will never leave me helpless or abandon me.  Our Father in Heaven loves us unconditionally regardless of our actions, struggles, or faults.  I must remember that I am part of a much greater family even though at times I feel orphaned and alone.  

"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."  

John 14:18