Feelings vs Feeling Numb

Because feelings of abuse are too intense to tolerate, some people learn to feel numb after trauma.  Feeling numb is the absence of feeling and it is used as a coping skill to protect victims from being overrun/overwhelmed by emotion. It is like Novacain. Novocain and numbing are used to protect us from pain.  Although the numbing of novocain wears off and feeling returns, numbing after trauma becomes a way of life. 

Numbing serves a purpose initially by protecting victims from overwhelming emotions, but an important part of healing is to relearn how to feel.

There are some therapist who thought letting it all out --hitting a pillow, screaming at the top of your lungs -was the key to healing. One form of this was called Primal therapy.  It's premise was that healing could come through re-experiencing the incident and fully expressing the pain during therapy.

For over 35+ years, multiple studies have shown that encouraging the expression of anger directly toward another person or indirectly (toward an object) actually increases aggression.

"Primal therapy has not achieved broad acceptance in mainstream psychology. It has been frequently criticized as lacking outcome studies to substantiate its effectiveness. It is regarded as one of the least creditable forms of psychotherapy and has been classified in 2006 ...as "discredited".  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primal_therapy

So what does help than?  The first and most important step in learning how to feel again is in fact to learn how to identify (or name) the feelings. This may seem easy but usually is not. 

When I counsel people who have been through trauma I find that their "feelings" vocabulary is very limited. Often they can not identify how they are feeling. Learning the simple act of naming a feeling actually makes people feel better.

Adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse often have a fear of the unknown. When they are able to label their feelings, they are able to move the feeling from the unknown to the known. This makes it less scary and more manageable. When they are able to identify their feelings, they can then begin taking the next step towards solving the problem.

We cannot fix what we have not correctly identified .

      

FEELING WORDS

Positive Accepted Acknowledged Admired Appreciated Approved of Calm, Relaxed Capable, Competent Cared about Caring, Empathetic Clear Comfortable Complimented Confident Connected Encouraged Excited Focused Free Fulfilled Important Included Innocent Inspired Interested Loved, Lovable Motivated Optimistic Patient Proud Respected Responsible Safe Secure Satisfied Strong, Powerful Successful Supported Trusted Understood Valued, Wanted Worthy Validated

Negative Rejected, Judged, Attacked Unacknowledged, Ignored Teased, Mocked Unappreciated, Used, Resented Disapproved of Stressed, Anxious, Nervous, Worried, Tense Incapable, Incompetent Uncared about, Hurt, Abandoned Uncaring, Cold, Detached Confused Uncomfortable, Awkward Criticized Unconfident, Unsure, Scared, Worried Disconnected, Lonely, Isolated, Alone Discouraged Reluctant, Indifferent Distracted, Overwhelmed, Lost Controlled, Pressured, Trapped, Obligated Unfulfilled, Empty, Needy Unimportant, Neglected Excluded, Left out Guilty, Blamed Uninspired, Drained, Discouraged, Defeated Uninterested, Bored Unloved, Unlovable Unmotivated, Lethargic Pessimistic, Hopeless Impatient Ashamed, Guilty, Embarrassed Disrespected, Insulted, Offended Irresponsible Unsafe, Afraid, Vulnerable Insecure, Defensive Unsatisfied Weak, Powerless Unsuccessful, Failful Unsupported Distrusted, Underestimated Misunderstood, Labeled Unvalued, Unwanted Unworthy, Undeserving, Inadequate

http://core.eqi.org/eqe2012d.pdf