His Grace is Sufficient

As we have talked about- Shame is one of the most powerful and harmful result of childhood abuse. Adult survivors often live in a constant state of shame, self critisism and self blame. They have powerful inner critics that berate them for any real or imagined mistake. They may set unreasonable expectations and never be satisfied with their efforts. A shame bound person finds it hard to take compliments or take in love and compassion from others.

So how then does one heal from shame? Some recent studies have shown that compassion actually changes the neurons of the brain and repairs shame. Compassion from others and compassion for self!!

This seemed pretty obvious to me --the kinder others are to us and we are to ourselves- the less shame we feel. This is pretty basic stuff. But what I like about these studies is that it gives validity to what we have always known! It shows that not only will we feel less shame -but that we can actually grow new neurons and new synaptic connections that proactively repair (and re-pair) the old shame memory with new experiences of self-compassion. The feelings of being unlovable and the feelings of shame that are stuck in our neural circuitry due to the abuse --now become unstuck and new neural connections are made. The brain is pretty amazing!!

Research done on self-compassion by researcher and social psychologist Kristin Neff from the University of Texas at Austin discovered that self-compassion acts as an antidote to self-criticism. Self-compassion triggers the release of oxytocin, (the hormone that increases feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity, and connectedness)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-compassion-chronicles/201307/how-compassion-can-heal-shame-childhood

Although you may already know this -the ability to have self compassion is not so easy. What are some ways that you have shown compassion for yourself? How can you be more compassionate to yourself?

This is where the gospel plays a part. We can look to the Savior for a perfect example. His grace and his unconditional love are an antidote for shame and doubt. Christ knew that in this life we would not be perfect and yet he loves us perfectly! He taught us that his grace is sufficient for all!!!

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27

One of my favorite speakers on grace is Brad Wilcox. He has written some of my favorite books and gives a wonderful BYU talk. In this talk he says;

"Too many are giving up on the Church ( I would also add themselves) because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short. They have tried in the past, but they continually feel like they are just not good enough. They don’t understand grace.

There should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).

Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now."
How can you gain a stronger testimony of Christs love for your..how you can learn to feel of his love--when you have taught yourself not to feel as a way to protect yourself?