Guest Post - From Someone Who Understands

There was a shadow cast upon my life, that did not come from my own choices.  But from the abusive decisions of another.  For a while I felt that I would always have to live my life in a shameful shadow.  But eventually I have come to realize that I was not meant to live within that same hindering shadow.  Just because you have experienced abuse does not mean you will never be able to be normal or be a powerful instrument in the hand of our Heavenly Father. 

While reflecting upon the many struggles I had within my own life while overcoming my past.  I am reminded of the words to the song Let Him Heal Your Heart, by Serving with Strength throughout the World. 

            Who can know the heartache you are feeling deep inside.

            Who can know the burdens you’ve carried all your life.

            Darkness feels the daylight and the road is much too long.

            Where are Heaven’s answers and the strength to carry on…

            Let Him Heal Your Heart…

Abraham was also a victim of his father’s abuse.  In fact, his father offered him up as a sacrifice to idols.  Now if anyone had some serious emotional scarring to overcome it was Abraham.

But as we read in Abraham we notice a pattern for overcoming the affects of abuse especially on our own self esteem.  First, of course he had to be rescued from his situation.  In Abraham’s case he was rescued by an angel.  In our case it might not be an angel that rescues us.  In my life it was mainly my angel mother.  So you need to get out of the abusive situation, either by telling a trusted adult, or your bishop. 

Next Heavenly Father showed Abraham all of his creations.  Then Heavenly Father tells him, “ my wisdom excelleth them all, for I rule in the heavens above, and in the earth beneath”. (Abraham 3:21).  Then He proceeds to give Abraham his patriarchal blessing,  “ Now the Lord has shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these were many of the noble and great ones; And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said:  these I will make my rulers; for He stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me:  Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou was born” (Abraham 3:22-23).  You see Heavenly Father taught Abraham that Abraham could forget everything anyone had ever said about him.  Or everything anyone had ever done to him to make him feel less than.  Because God is all knowing and he knew Abraham before he was born, just as He knew us before we were born.  Heavenly Father let Abraham know who he really was.  Since I have gotten my own patriarchal blessing I have had to read it often to remind me of how my Heavenly Father views me.  Especially when I start to feel unworthy.

Then Heavenly Father teaches Abraham about Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation.  Because Heavenly Father knows that the only way to overcome the affects of abuse is through our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I too had to realize that I had certain weaknesses and character flaws due to the abuse I experienced as a young child that I had to overcome.  At times I had a difficulty in being assertive, and hating men.  I was able to overcome my problem of being passive through help from my parents and a little counseling.  I always thought that I was not worthy enough to marry a nice young man because I feared that no man who was nice would want to marry a woman with such a dark past.  So I had a tendency of not so nice men.  I had not forgiven myself, I did not view myself the way Heavenly Father viewed me.  In Isaiah 1:18 it states, “ Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord:  though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;  though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”  Although I had grown up in the gospel my whole life I did not truly believe that scripture, that I was pure.

I did not realize I hated men until I was older.  A bishop had to point it out to me.  I denied it at first.  Then one day I was on a date with a nice young man and he said the ever so common words, “but I don’t want to hurt you”.  Immediately, welling inside me I heard myself say with such utter venom,” Yeah, right”.  I was very caught back by myself.  Later on I discussed this with my bishop, and he helped me forgive myself and those who had harmed me.  Then I was able to experience God’s love.  I could not feel the love of God in my heart because I was harboring hate for not just the one’s who had wronged me, but for all men.  Even though I felt justified in hating, forgiving them was essential to my healing.  Part of my suffering came from the inability to forgive those who had harmed me and feeling the great burden that comes from not forgiving.  It stifled my ability to feel God’s love in my heart.  And once the burden has been lifted from your shoulders do not pick it up again.

I realized when I was in high school that the cards were stacked against me.  That I had something hard to overcome.  But I had had a lesson on the Lehi’s dream and I knew right then that I would need to cling to the iron rod if I was going to make it.  There is a scripture in Alma 37:45 that I will paraphrase…”shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course carry us beyond this vale of sorrow.”  So I read my scriptures every day and still continue to. The promise is real, they did carry me beyond my vale of sorrow.

I have had many times of overwhelming and utter despair in my life due to the abuse.  But I can tell you that those moments have brought me to the feet of my Savior. I know through those experiences that Jesus Christ is my Savior…my personal Savior.  He is waiting to heal you.  It does not always happen at once.   You must unravel the web of abuse in your mind and soul… possibly with a friend or a counselor first.  And as you do His grace will heal you.  Look to God and LIVE.(Alma 37:47)