Secondary Survivors-Resources

What is a secondary survivor?

You are a secondary survivor if a friend, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, sister, child, or anyone you are very close to is a survivor of sexual assault or physical or emotional abuse. It does not matter if you knew this person when the assault or abuse happened-or even if you knew them and did not know about the assault until much later.

  

Like we have talked about -it can be confusing, heartwrenching and exhausting to love a survivor of child abuse. It is important to care for yourself and you should never feel quilty or sefish for caring for your many emotions. There are many emotions that you feel as you try to support your loved one.

It is normal to feel: helplessness – guilt – shame – loss of intimacy – loss of routine – frustration – need for retaliation – over protection – anger

I have compiled some suggested books.

*** It was way too time consuming to try to research all of these books -so I want to preface these suggestions with a note that I am not personally recommending these --and you will have to research further to see if these books fit into your own moral/religious views. Prayerfully consider which ones might help you**********

  

• Survivors and Partners: Healing the Relationships of Sexual Abuse Survivors - Paul A. Hansen
• 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage - John & Julie Gottman
•  A Layman's Guide to Loving A Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse
•  How to Change Your Life and Everyone In It - Michelle Weiner Davis
•  Outgrowing the Pain Together - Eliana Gil
• What About Me? A Guide for Men Helping Female Partners Deal with Childhood Sexual Abuse - Grant Cameron
• When a Man You Love Was Abused
• Why Is It always About You? - Sandy Hotchkiss
• Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child by Laura Davis.
• Ghosts in the Bedroom by Ken Graber, M.A.. .
• Partners Surviving: My Partner Was Sexually Abused by Partners in Video
• Someone I Know Has Multiple Personalities by Sandra J. Hocking.  
• Trust After Trauma: A Guide to Relationships for Survivors and Those Who Love Them by Aphrodite Matsakis, Ph.D..
• When You Are the Partner of a Rape or Incest Survivor: A Workbook for You by Robert Barry Levine.
• Haunted Marriage : Overcoming the Ghosts of Your Spouse's Childhood Abuse by Clark E. Barshinger, Lojan E. LA Rowe, Andres T. Tapia, loj Larowe. It is available at BookFinder.com 
• What to Do When You Find Out...Your Wife Was Sexually Abused : With Discussion Guide by John Courtright, Sid Rogers 

Some books are out-of-print. I use these out-of-print web sites when looking for books and Amazon.com usually has reviews you can read on the books.

Amazon.com
Albris.com

BiblioFind

BookFinder