ANGER -It ether Explodes or Implodes if not dealth with!

I have been thinking alot about anger lately. I have an extended family member who is filled with hate and anger. Recently his anger has come out in vicious and hateful emails to his family members. As I have read his emails I have been struck by the burden that he carries by holding onto this anger. Although his emails are meant to lash out against his family, god and religion-he mostly hurts himself. The anger that has boiled within him for 76 years of his life eats at him -he can never seem to let it go for long. He has tried isolating himself from everyone who loves him, he has turned to alcoholism and tried to drink the darkness away-- and yet it remains. He has many reasons to feel angry. I don't know all the details of his life, but I do know there was not a loving mother son relationship and that there was verbal and emotional abuse at the least. All of us who love him are pained to see that so much of his life over the years has been overtaken and consumed with this rage.
 

We have talked in previous posts about how anger can be a positive thing if it motivates us to change our situation. Anger can be a spring board to needed action. When it is not good -is when it sits and boils within us. Over the years- that anger causes physical and emotional pain- if not dealt with.

 

This family member has validated to me, the idea that what you send out to the world you get back. When anger "explodes" it results in negative feedback from the rest of the world and in turn only causes you more pain and isolation.

 

If not dealt with, anger either exlodes or implodes. It is either let out against the world in this out of control lashing out or it implodes within and turns into anxiety, self-loathing and depression. Many develop compulsive habits to cover over or dull the anger such as, eating, drinking, drugs or sexual activity.

"Anger is a natural reaction to child abuse. Yet survivors have a hard time

managing anger. They veer between lashing out or over-controlling it, not

knowing when it is appropriate and when it isn't, not knowing how to express

themselves forcefully without overdoing it. "-http://www.ascasupport.org/

Although it is much more difficult than it sounds -anger can be healed and you can learn to use your anger in appropriate ways. There is lots of literature on anger management You need to find what works for you.

The first step is to begin recognizing the ways anger is influencing your own life. What are the ways you have turned this anger inwards? What ways has your anger exploded externally?

Some things to begin to think about :

1. What signals does your body send you when you are starting to feel anger. Does your face turn red, does your heart beat faster, do you clench your jaw or hands? Start to become aware of the signals your body gives off when you are starting to feel angry.

2. What helps calm you when you feel angry? What has worked in the past? Would it help to take a personal time out, to count to 10, to go for a walk? Would talking to someone about it help.

3. What is triggering the anger? Is it related to your past abuse?

4. What are some ways you can safely express your anger without hurting yourself or others. Some ideas are-

• excersize
• write about your in anger in a journal
• scrub some hard to clean places
• get involved in public speaches, political marches or activities
• write letters to your abuser about your anger. You don't need to send it to reap the benefits.

I would love to hear from you all -what has worked for you? Really --I do want to hear from you. We started this blog with hopes that you would begin to feel comfortable sharing your own thoughts and feelings so that you can learn from each other.