More on Boundaries.

The word Boundaries is not used much in our church literature or in the scriptures, but that does not mean that having healthy boundaries is a new idea. The Savior as always, set the perfect example. As you study his life you see that he has perfect love, but that does not mean he always did what people wanted him to do. He did not help everyone and when he did help people he expected them to do their part. When you look at some of his miracles you see that he usually asked people to do something -even something that they thought they could not do. An example of this was when he told the blind man to walk a long way to the pool of Siloam to wash the mud out of his eyes. Even though he showed perfect love that did not mean that he did not stand up to inappropriate behavior. I enjoyed reading a blog from a Christian psychologist named Bill Gaultiere. I quote from his blog on boundaries-

Jesus Said No to Inappropriate Behavior

• Demands. He withdrew from the crowds who wanted him, for one-on-one time with the Father (Luke 5:15-16).
• Abuse. He fought his way through the crowd that was trying to throw him off a cliff for claiming to be the Messiah  (Luke 4:28-30).
• Entitlement. He didn’t give in to his mother and brothers who tried to use their relationship with him to pull him away from the crowd he was ministering to (Matthew 12:46-50).
• Baiting Questions. When the religious leaders asked him baiting questions to make him look foolish he answered with incisive questions of his own (Matthew 21:23-27, 22:15-22).
• Cynicism. He said no to Herod’s mocking demand, “Show us a sign that you are the Son of God.” (Luke 23:8-9).
• Manipulation. He said no to Peter and the disciples who had an inappropriate agenda for Jesus to a political king or military warrior rather than a sacrificial lamb. (Matthew 16:23).
• Pride. He didn’t heal those who were too proud to trust Him (Matthew 13:58)."

Jesus Taught us Examples of how to be Setting Boundaries

• Personal Prayer Time: “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen” (Matthew 6:6).
• Be Honest and Direct (Don’t Pressure People or Try to Get Them to Do Things): “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).
• Set Priorities: “No servant can serve two masters.  Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Luke 16:13).
• Please God, Not People: “How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44).
• Obey God: “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’  ’I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.  Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go. Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “’The first,’ they answered” (Matthew 21:28-31).

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES are an important part of emotional, physical and spiritual health. Terri Cole a psychotherapist also wrote a good blog on boundaries at 

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/06/29/how-to-create-healthy-boundaries/

I quote her below.

When we have healthy boundaries we -

• Have high self-esteem and self-respect.
• Share personal information gradually, in a mutually sharing and trusting relationship.
• Protect physical and emotional space from intrusion.
• Have an equal partnership where responsibility and power are shared.
• Be assertive. Confidently and truthfully say “yes” or “no” and be okay when others say “no” to you.
• Separate your needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires from others. Recognize that your boundaries and needs are different from others.
• Empower yourself to make healthy choices and take responsibility for yourself.

UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES are characterized by:

• Sharing too much too soon or, at the other end of the spectrum, closing yourself off and not expressing your need and wants.
• Feeling responsible for other’s happiness.
• Inability to say “no” for fear of rejection or abandonment.
• Weak sense of your own identity. You base how you feel about yourself on how others treat you.
• Dis-empowerment. You allow others to make decisions for you; consequently, you feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life.