Guilt vs Shame

“Abuse creates toxic shame - the feeling of being flawed and diminished and never measuring up. Toxic shame feels much worse than guilt. With guilt, you've done something wrong; but you can repair that - you can do something about it. With toxic shame there's something wrong with you and there's nothing you can do about it; you are inadequate and defective.”(Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw)

There is a huge difference between shame and guilt. Guilt has to do with our behavior, what we do; shame has to do with our identity, who we are. When we do something wrong, our God-given conscience rings an alarm. That pang we feel is guilt. Guilt is not destructive to our person because we can do something about it. We can acknowledge our wrongdoing, change our behavior, experience forgiveness, and we no longer have to feel guilty.

Shame, on the other hand, goes beyond the sense that "I did bad things" to the sense that "I am bad, through and through."

"Toxic shame...is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being. Toxic shame is no longer an emotion that signals our limits; it is a state of being, a core identity. Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness."  (Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw )

Shame, in this sense, is a de-motivator for ongoing growth. It usually results in self-condemnation, discouragement and the urge to give up. ("I'm bad. I blew it. There's no hope for me ever getting better.")

Another great talk from Brene Brown. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

This is just the beginning of our talking about shame. There has been so much written about this and so much for us to say and talk about.