Finding Peace

How do you find peace when you are living in a battle field of childhood sexual abuse or are “triggered” be nearly everything around you?  It is difficult to feel peace when you wake up from a vivid nightmare screaming or can hardly function at work due to repeated flashbacks of the abuse.  Most often survivors of childhood sexual abuse are manipulated and shamed into feeling that they caused the abuse to happen in some way, that they could have prevented it but didn’t, and that they are bad. How do you feel peace while feeling and believing all of these other things?

During moments of pain, deep sorrowful pain, is when we crave and NEED the peace offered by our Savior.  He can truly bring the peace we need to heal and overcome.  There are different ways to feel of His peace while healing.  At times I have felt really frustrated in the lack of peace I have felt while needing His guiding hand to heal and face something so dark and difficult.  The turmoil and pain would be all consuming and at times it was easy to think that death would be the only escape. 

“The Savior is the source of true peace. Even with the trials of life, because of the Savior’s Atonement and His grace, righteous living will be rewarded with personal peace. In the intimate setting of the Passover chamber, the Savior promised His Apostles that they would be blessed with the “Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost” and then uttered these important words: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.” Then just before His Intercessory Prayer: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (Personal Peace: The Reward of Righteousness, Elder Cook)

Peace does not come through the world or vices of man.  There are many that lean upon alcohol, drugs, and other escapes to find temporary peace from the pain they feel.  There have been times in my life where I felt that regardless of what I was doing to feel peace it wasn’t working.  I started questioning if the only way I could find relief was through drinking or even cutting.  I knew my body was sacred and doing those things would go against the principles and standards of the LDS faith however I still felt a strong need to find relief almost any way I could.  I struggled to find peace from my Savior and didn’t understand why I wasn’t feeling His love while praying and pleading to Him.  Where was the peace I was suppose to feel from reading the scriptures, attending church and living as righteously as I could?

I do not have a good answer why at times I felt such a lack of peace but I do know that as I strived to live a life of righteousness, as difficult as it was in those dark moments of torment, lasting peace came.  

This video is an example to me of how personal righteousness in studying the Book of Mormon brought peace into others’ lives.