I thought that Nancy Richards on her blog did a good job of explaining her experience with Dissociation. So I have pasted her entry here. (For her blog go to-http://healandforgive.blogspot.com/2008/12/dealing-with-dissociation.html)
- Refocus: Rather then focusing on the feelings of dissociation- pull yourself away from this and refocus on something grounding like a specific task. Make sure the task is not too demanding. Examples of a task might be cleaning, cooking, or paying bills. As you slowly focus on the task you may find yourself leaving that dissociative state.
- Reconnect: Since Dissociation is a disconnection, it would make sense that reconnecting is an important part of the antidote. You may reconnect with yourself, with Nature, or your immediate environment. "Reconnecting with the here and now helps you not slip into the there and then." Examples of reconnecting are the grounding techniques we have talked about in previous blog entries. For example focusing on the feel of a peace of gum in your mouth-the taste and the texture. Or focusing on the sounds around you.
- Reenter: Since Dissociation is being not all there, reentry is important. We need to come back to the present world. Don't push yourself to hard -It is ok to stay in a protected space until you feel that you are in a safe place and are ready to come back. Don't rush yourself. The key is to learn is how to find the right place and the right time to reengage. I realize that there is not always the perfect place or time for this , but as you track what has worked and what has not worked for you you will find techniques that work for you.
Dealing with Dissociation
A fellow survivor recently asked me how I
dealt with my dissociation. I thought I would share my answer here. Of course,
this is just an outline for a very complicated process:
It took a number of years for me to get a handle on my dissociation. The first step was to simply become aware that I dissociated.
Because I had dissociated since I was a child, the emotional disconnect felt so normal to me that I didn't even know that I experienced "altered states" until a therapist pointed it out to me.
After my counselor helped me identify times when I dissociated, I learned that it had a certain recognizable "quality," just like a dream has a familiar feel to it.
The clinical definition of dissociation is a disturbance or alteration in the normally integrative functions of identity, memory, or consciousness. In children, this may occur following physical abuse or trauma.
Most abuse survivors I have talked to have said that they have trouble "feeling," or that they have become "numb." Dissociation can manifest itself to many different degrees and in many different fashions; therefore, it can simply mean an inability to "feel." For me, when the pain became "too much," I became "trance like." My gaze became transfixed to one unknown spot and I disconnected from my feelings and surroundings. I could hear what was going on around me, but I couldn't "respond" to words, noises, or actions, because my emotional self "disappeared."
When I was a child, dissociation "saved my life." It was my survival tactic. If I had to feel that which was unbearable and unending, I would have most likely gone insane. Dissociation protected my sanity at a time when I had no one to help me.
Long after I grew up, I learned that the very mechanism that saved me as a child, harmed me as an adult. I couldn't protect myself when I was young, but I could and should as an adult.
I often stayed in "harmful" situations because I unknowingly dissociated rather than reacting to pain and safe-guarding my own well-being. If we listen closely, pain is a useful resource for protecting ourselves.
Once I realized that I did indeed dissociate, that the "emotional absences" were harmful to me, and that they prevented me from healing, I made a concerted effort to "re-wire" my responses. This of course takes a great deal of time.
Whenever I felt the "quality" that comes with dissociation, I began to "pull" myself out. I shifted my eyes away from that far off "blank stare," and forced myself to remain present with my surroundings. If I was with someone safe, that meant saying, "I'm struggling with keeping myself present and not dissociating."
If I was not with someone safe, that meant leaving or re-directing myself by whatever means necessary to "stay present." I'd also like to note that my symptoms of dissociation and PTSD often overlapped as I was trying to deal with my childhood abuse.
Learning to recognize and prevent these "trances" consistently took a very long time. In this way, I learned to redirected myself from dissociating, and stay present with what was happening, but I didn't yet learn to "hold" my own feelings.
It took a great deal of therapy to create an environment safe enough to "hold" my feelings and to resolve them with self-compassion and love. At first, I was so out of my comfort zone, I felt like I was feeling my away around in the dark. I kept asking my therapist, "Is it normal to feel this way?" I had no frame of reference.
Just like with any healing, we don't just turn on a switch and suddenly "feel" everything. It would be too much. Our psyche can only take on so much pain at once and our minds guide us through the process in baby steps as we are ready to take on more feelings.
Sometimes, it felt like I would never get to the other side, but I did, and it feels more rewarding than I ever thought possible.
It took a number of years for me to get a handle on my dissociation. The first step was to simply become aware that I dissociated.
Because I had dissociated since I was a child, the emotional disconnect felt so normal to me that I didn't even know that I experienced "altered states" until a therapist pointed it out to me.
After my counselor helped me identify times when I dissociated, I learned that it had a certain recognizable "quality," just like a dream has a familiar feel to it.
The clinical definition of dissociation is a disturbance or alteration in the normally integrative functions of identity, memory, or consciousness. In children, this may occur following physical abuse or trauma.
Most abuse survivors I have talked to have said that they have trouble "feeling," or that they have become "numb." Dissociation can manifest itself to many different degrees and in many different fashions; therefore, it can simply mean an inability to "feel." For me, when the pain became "too much," I became "trance like." My gaze became transfixed to one unknown spot and I disconnected from my feelings and surroundings. I could hear what was going on around me, but I couldn't "respond" to words, noises, or actions, because my emotional self "disappeared."
When I was a child, dissociation "saved my life." It was my survival tactic. If I had to feel that which was unbearable and unending, I would have most likely gone insane. Dissociation protected my sanity at a time when I had no one to help me.
Long after I grew up, I learned that the very mechanism that saved me as a child, harmed me as an adult. I couldn't protect myself when I was young, but I could and should as an adult.
I often stayed in "harmful" situations because I unknowingly dissociated rather than reacting to pain and safe-guarding my own well-being. If we listen closely, pain is a useful resource for protecting ourselves.
Once I realized that I did indeed dissociate, that the "emotional absences" were harmful to me, and that they prevented me from healing, I made a concerted effort to "re-wire" my responses. This of course takes a great deal of time.
Whenever I felt the "quality" that comes with dissociation, I began to "pull" myself out. I shifted my eyes away from that far off "blank stare," and forced myself to remain present with my surroundings. If I was with someone safe, that meant saying, "I'm struggling with keeping myself present and not dissociating."
If I was not with someone safe, that meant leaving or re-directing myself by whatever means necessary to "stay present." I'd also like to note that my symptoms of dissociation and PTSD often overlapped as I was trying to deal with my childhood abuse.
Learning to recognize and prevent these "trances" consistently took a very long time. In this way, I learned to redirected myself from dissociating, and stay present with what was happening, but I didn't yet learn to "hold" my own feelings.
It took a great deal of therapy to create an environment safe enough to "hold" my feelings and to resolve them with self-compassion and love. At first, I was so out of my comfort zone, I felt like I was feeling my away around in the dark. I kept asking my therapist, "Is it normal to feel this way?" I had no frame of reference.
Just like with any healing, we don't just turn on a switch and suddenly "feel" everything. It would be too much. Our psyche can only take on so much pain at once and our minds guide us through the process in baby steps as we are ready to take on more feelings.
Sometimes, it felt like I would never get to the other side, but I did, and it feels more rewarding than I ever thought possible.
Each of you will have to find what works best for you. You will want to track what has worked for you and what has not. Jasmine Cori, LPC created what she calls the three R's- as antidotes for Dissociation. (Healing From Trauma, A Survivors Guide to Understanding Your Symptoms and Reclaim your Life)
- I know the Lord's light will help you through this healing process. I know the process sometimes leaves you feeling lost, but he will lead you through the "mists of darkness". Just as he led Lehi and his family to the Tree of Life. One of the grounding tequniques we have been given is the gospel. As you hold on to the "iron rod"-the scriptures and the word of god -you too will be led to your tree of life which as we know is the love of god.
- 1 Nephi 11:25 And it came to pass that I beheld that the rod of iron, which my father had seen, was the word of God, which led to the fountain of living waters, or to the tree of life; which waters are a representation of the love of God; and I also beheld that the tree of life was a representation of the love of God.
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