Verbal and Emotional Abuse

And the opposite is also true.... Hurtful words to can be easy to speak but their echoes are also endless!! 

I have been thinking about the importance of discussing emotional and verbal abuse. I think these two kinds of abuse are too often overlooked or excused because they are less visible and harder to pinpoint. Sometimes they are even considered acceptable and normal behavior in our society. 

It may be easier to pinpoint the effects that childhood sexual or physical abuse had on you, then to see how emotional and verbal abuse has also harmed you. As an adult you may have learned how to protect yourself from being harmed physically, but yet still are allowing people to verbally and emotionally abuse you. Emotional abuse can have as devastating consequences to your physical and mental health. Although difficult to pinpoint sometimes, there are some common characteristics such as;

• Using economic power to control you
• Threatening to leave
• Making you afraid by using looks, gestures or actions
• Smashing things
• Controlling you through minimizing, denying and blaming
• Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously
• Continually criticizing you, calling you names, shouting at you
• Emotionally degrading you in private, but acting charming in public
• Humiliating you in private or public
• Withholding affection as punishment

http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/

A 1995 booklet published by the LDS Church called Responding to Abuse: Helps for Ecclesiastical Leaders- gives examples of verbal and emotional abuse.

• Name Calling. Words such as idiot or jerk, sarcastic or exaggerated use of terms of endearment, unflattering nicknames, and insulting labels.
• Demeaning or Sarcastic Statements:Put-down humor.  With a quick wit some find ways to embarrass and humiliate 
• Faultfinding/Criticism 
• Intimidation: some may use threats to intimidate another into doing things their own way. This may include venting anger in harsh words, shouting, stomping around the house, and throwing or breaking things. Less-noisy forms of signaling discontent, ill will, or censure—from snapping at others to displaying angry looks and other signs of belligerence—can also be intimidating and thus constitute abuse.
• Isolation. Some seek to limit another's interactions either with them or with the outside world. Subtle manifestations of this include withholding affection, withholding information, or refusing to problem solve together, setting inapropriate rules such as controlling telephone calls, disallowing certain people in the house or limiting or forbidding another to go places alone.
• Manipulation: can include acting pitiable, creating guilty feelings in others, or blaming others for problems.

I have to say I am guilty of lots of sarcastic humor. I grew up in a family where sarcasm was considered funny and as an adult I often get caught in the same behavior towards my own loved ones. Although it seems funny at times--I know that it ultimately tears away at relationships and self esteem. I cannot remember ever being the butt of a joke and feeling better about myself as a result. Although sometimes this sarcasm felt like a way to connect with another person-it ultimately never left me feeling closer to that person.