Awareness & Shame

April is Child Abuse & Prevention month.  This is something I have participated in before by running a 5k to create awareness or done a few other things that didn't pinpoint me as a "survivor" just part of a good cause.  It is important this topic receives awareness and is spoken of by those who can speak. 

Even though I blog about the topic and have strong feelings on it I still find it extremely hard to simply wear a blue ribbon around, even if it is discretely displayed on a bag rather than on my shirt.  This is due to shame.  I still carry that deep shame that is not mine. 
 
An article by Peter A. Levine and Maggie Kline describes The Twin Dilemma of Secrecy and Shame 

"The sexual molestation of children has the added shroud of secrecy. Since 85 to 90% of sexual violations and inappropriate "boundary crossings" are by someone they know and trust, the symptoms are layered with the complexity of the repercussions of betrayal. Even if not admonished (or threatened) to keep the assault secret, children of ten do not tell due to embarrassment, shame, and guilt. In their naiveté they mistakenly assume that they are "bad." They carry the shame that belongs to the molester. In addition, children fear punishment and reprisal. They frequently anguish over "betraying" someone who is part of their family or social circle and fantasize what might happen to their perpetrator. This is especially true if it is a family member they are dependent on. If not a family member, the violator is usually someone well known. Neighbors, older children, babysitters, a parent's boyfriend, and other friends of the family or step-family are frequently the offenders. Or it may be someone who has prestige and social status, or serves as a mentor, such as a religious leader, teacher, or athletic coach. How can children know-unless you teach them-that they are not to blame when the perpetrator is usually not only someone known, but someone who may be revered? Parents can pave the way to safety for their children by teaching them to trust and act on their own instincts versus submitting to an older child or adult who is using their status for their own gratification."

It saddens me that I feel so much shame about what I've experienced that I struggle so much just to wear a small simple blue ribbon to support something I feel so strongly about.  This month I will do my best to overcome a part of that shame and stand for what I know to be important even if it is simply wearing a blue ribbon.