" To heal our toxic shame we must come out of hiding. As long as our shame is hidden, there is nothing we can do about it. In order to change our toxic shame we must embrace it. There is an old therapeutic adage that states, “The only way out is through.” Embracing our shame involves pain. Pain is what we try to avoid. In fact, most of our neurotic behavior is due to the avoidance of legitimate pain. We try to find an easier way. This is perfectly reasonable. "
In the case of shame, the more we avoid it, the worse it gets. We cannot change our “internalized” shame until we “externalize” it.
Shame feeds on secrecy and hiding. What then can you do today to externalize your shame? What does this mean to you ? How can you go about doing this? What has worked for you?
I wrote an angry comment yesterday, but I wasnt angry with what you wrote...just angry in general. My question was legitimate..how does one externalize the shame? This is something I would truly like to know. I have so much guilt and shame and no matter how much I pray, or what my Therapist says, or how much I intellectualize, I still can't get past it. That's it. That's my question. And I signed my name this time. Your blog does a great for Mormon women.
ReplyDeleteAnd you have good reason to be angry!! Anger like we talked about is a valid and needed emotion sometimes! You are right-your questions is an important question...I would love to hear more from others on how they have been able to externalize their shame. I think everyone finds what works for them and there is no one right way. Putting your name on the blog is one way. I am not saying that everyone should be willing to do that..but it is one way to say "I am a real person-and real and painful things happened to me". Ask your therapist too --I would love to hear her thoughts on the subject.
ReplyDelete