Your Polar Vortex

 

So I don't know about you, but I am feeling pretty done with winter. It has been the winter of the "polar vortex"  which has meant more snow then ever and daily frigid temperatures. We have not been good about keeping up with all the snow and our driveway and walk way are evidence of this. My husband has slid his car into the snow banks of our driveway 4x -getting stuck in the snow. I have stopped mopping the muddy snowy footprints off my floors, becuase of how discouraging it is to just finish mopping and have muddy snow prints walk right across it. I don't have alot of good to say right now about the snow. Usually I love the beauty of the snow that hangs to the trees in our neighborhood -but at this point midfebruary I am finding it very easy to wish away the snow.

I am not even sure why I am writing this --except to say sometimes it just feels good to complain and get it out . So there I got it out. I know there is much good about winter. I know how blessed I am to be in a warm home with a good job and wonderful family and I am happy. That said --I can still say --I am ready for the sun.

To all of you who may feel you are in your "polar vortex" or the darkness of winter, I wanted to share a wonderful quote from Elder Holland. He says,

"Every one of us has times when we need to know things will get better. Moroni spoke of it in the Book of Mormon as "hope for a better world". For emotional health and spiritual stamina, everyone needs to be able to to look forward to some respite, to something pleasant and renewing and hopeful, whether that blessing be near at hand or still some distance ahead. It is enough just to know we can get there, that however measured or far away, there is the promise of "good things to come"....this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us....There is help. There is happiness. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. It is the Light of the World, the Bright and Morning Star, the "light that is endless, that can never be darkened" It is the very Son of God, himself...to any who may be struggling to see that light and find that hope I say; Hold on. Keep trying. God Loves you. Things will improve. Christ comes to you in His "more excellent ministry" with a future of "better promises".-An High Priest of Good Things to Come, Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Oct 1999



Male Depression

We have talked earlier about depression and its signs and symptom. Today I wanted to adress depression in men as it may manifest itself very differently then in women. In the United States, depression affects nearly 2.75% of men (3 million men). And those are just the ones that have reported the depression.

As a whole depression in men has gone underreported. This may be becuase men are less likely to recognize and acknowledge the symptoms than women or because the symptoms are different.

"When it comes to depression in men, to some extent we have blinders on," said Dr. Andrew Leuchter, a psychiatrist who studies depression at UCLA. "We have not been asking about and taking into account a range of symptoms that may be gender-specific."

Men with depression often aren't diagnosed for several reasons. Some of them include:

• Failure to recognize depression. You may think that feeling sad or emotional is always the main symptom of depression. But for many men that isn't the primary depression symptom. For example, headaches, digestive problems, fatigue, irritability or chronic pain can sometimes indicate depression. So can feeling isolated and seeking distraction to avoid dealing with feelings or relationships.
• Downplaying signs and symptoms. You may not recognize how much your symptoms affect you, or you may not want to admit to yourself or to others that you're depressed.
• Reluctance to discuss depression symptoms. As a man, you may not be open to talking about your feelings with family or friends, let alone with a health care professional. You may think it's not "manly" to express feelings and emotions associated with depression, so instead you suppress them.
•  Resisting mental health treatment. Even if you suspect you have depression, you may avoid diagnosis or refuse treatment. You may avoid getting help because you're worried that the stigma of depression could damage your career or cause family and friends to lose respect for you.

Like women, men with depression may feel blue, feel tired, have difficulty sleeping and not get pleasure from activities they once enjoyed. But other behaviors in men that could be signs of depression — are not recognized as such. These include,

• Escapist behavior, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports
•  Alcohol or substance abuse
•  Controlling, violent or abusive behavior
•  Irritability or inappropriate anger
•  Risky behavior, such as reckless driving

This info is from the below websites.
http://www.nami.org/

http://www.mengetdepression.com/

http://www.hopetocope.com/Item.aspx?id=530

 

Here is another Great article in the NY times-
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/aug/28/science/la-sci-depression-men-20130829

 

 

 

Fear vs faith

I have been thinking about fear lately.  We all have things we are fearful of -that is part of the human experience. As you read the scriptures, you find that even the prophets are fearful at times. Although this is true-it is important that -as President Monson's says-that we not take counsel from our fears.

 

 

 

How often do we let ours fears dictate our actions? How many times do we waste precious energy ruminating about our fears- instead of taking action. Now is the time to take a little step into that fearful unknown. Recently I got a counseling request from a women who said something like " I don't think it will make any difference, but sometime I think I will make an appointment with you." Even though that is a small step --it is a step!! It is ok that she doesn't believe that she can be healed. The key is she is willing to begin thinking about the possibility of coming to counseling. That is a step ! We all have to start somewhere-so I challenge you each to take one small doable step into the unknown. I promise it will be scary! But I also promise it will be worth it. As Bill Cosby said,

 

The opposite of fear is of course Faith. Faith is not not to have a pure knowledge. It doesn't mean that we have no fear. But it does mean that we move ahead even when we are fearful. Boyd K. Packer says,

“Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness.” “What Is Faith?” in Faith (1983), 42


Elder Gibson talks about how there will be times that even when we do step forward with faith into the darkness-we may not see that promised light, lighting our way.
 
"Sometimes—after we have fasted, prayed, and done all we can do to dispel clouds that have not parted; after we have gone into the dark and expected further light that has not appeared; after we have lived the commandments through difficulties that remain unrelenting—we simply need to turn things over to our Heavenly Father"

He continues.......

" You have the gift of the Holy Ghost, and you have the right to receive revelation every day. At times revelation may not come as quickly as you might like because the Lord gives us opportunities to grow and develop our abilities according to His knowledge of us and what we need, but He will guide us through the Holy Ghost. And if we are worthy, He will not let us go very far in the wrong direction without warning us."   - A Time for Faith

ANGER -It ether Explodes or Implodes if not dealth with!

I have been thinking alot about anger lately. I have an extended family member who is filled with hate and anger. Recently his anger has come out in vicious and hateful emails to his family members. As I have read his emails I have been struck by the burden that he carries by holding onto this anger. Although his emails are meant to lash out against his family, god and religion-he mostly hurts himself. The anger that has boiled within him for 76 years of his life eats at him -he can never seem to let it go for long. He has tried isolating himself from everyone who loves him, he has turned to alcoholism and tried to drink the darkness away-- and yet it remains. He has many reasons to feel angry. I don't know all the details of his life, but I do know there was not a loving mother son relationship and that there was verbal and emotional abuse at the least. All of us who love him are pained to see that so much of his life over the years has been overtaken and consumed with this rage.
 

We have talked in previous posts about how anger can be a positive thing if it motivates us to change our situation. Anger can be a spring board to needed action. When it is not good -is when it sits and boils within us. Over the years- that anger causes physical and emotional pain- if not dealt with.

 

This family member has validated to me, the idea that what you send out to the world you get back. When anger "explodes" it results in negative feedback from the rest of the world and in turn only causes you more pain and isolation.

 

If not dealt with, anger either exlodes or implodes. It is either let out against the world in this out of control lashing out or it implodes within and turns into anxiety, self-loathing and depression. Many develop compulsive habits to cover over or dull the anger such as, eating, drinking, drugs or sexual activity.

"Anger is a natural reaction to child abuse. Yet survivors have a hard time

managing anger. They veer between lashing out or over-controlling it, not

knowing when it is appropriate and when it isn't, not knowing how to express

themselves forcefully without overdoing it. "-http://www.ascasupport.org/

Although it is much more difficult than it sounds -anger can be healed and you can learn to use your anger in appropriate ways. There is lots of literature on anger management You need to find what works for you.

The first step is to begin recognizing the ways anger is influencing your own life. What are the ways you have turned this anger inwards? What ways has your anger exploded externally?

Some things to begin to think about :

1. What signals does your body send you when you are starting to feel anger. Does your face turn red, does your heart beat faster, do you clench your jaw or hands? Start to become aware of the signals your body gives off when you are starting to feel angry.

2. What helps calm you when you feel angry? What has worked in the past? Would it help to take a personal time out, to count to 10, to go for a walk? Would talking to someone about it help.

3. What is triggering the anger? Is it related to your past abuse?

4. What are some ways you can safely express your anger without hurting yourself or others. Some ideas are-

• excersize
• write about your in anger in a journal
• scrub some hard to clean places
• get involved in public speaches, political marches or activities
• write letters to your abuser about your anger. You don't need to send it to reap the benefits.

I would love to hear from you all -what has worked for you? Really --I do want to hear from you. We started this blog with hopes that you would begin to feel comfortable sharing your own thoughts and feelings so that you can learn from each other.

Related to the last post -here is a good quote

Just like we talked about -it takes practice, and nurturing new ways of thinking and new behaviors. Don't get frusterated when they don't come naturally right away. Sometimes these might be extra shady spots -that require extra work and care:)