More on Hope!! ... from Elder Uchdtorf

From Elder Uchdtorfs talk " Infinite Power of  Hope"

 

"The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.

 

Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."

 

"Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us."  We learn to cultivate hope the same way we learn to walk, one step at a time... There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope. Like Father Abraham, we will “against hope [believe] in hope.”Or, as one writer expressed, “in the depth of winter, [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.”

How do I go about choosing a therapist or therapy model?

That is a good question. One though, that you may find many different opinions on, depending on who you are talking too. There have been multiple studies over the years trying to determine what is the most successful type of counseling modality. Many studies have shown that it is not the modality or type of counseling that makes the most difference-but instead the client-therapist relationship.

The success of therapy in fact has many factors; your relationship with the counselor, the counselors knowledge, your readiness to apply what you are learning, and much more.

Some of the most commone types of counseling you will see for survivors of sexual abuse are:

1.Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy :  This model emphasizes the interdependence of thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. It involves carefully and gradually “exposing” yourself to thoughts, feelings, and situations that remind you of the trauma. It also involves identifying upsetting thoughts about the traumatic event–particularly thoughts that are distorted and irrational—and replacing them with more balanced picture. Other examples of this type of treatment would be teaching relaxation methods, teaching clients to identify and express feelings, teaching self soothing activites.

2. Cognitive Processing Therapy: this is brief and structured . It consists of exposure to the traumatic memories and then learning how to restructure these memories.

4. EMDR-Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: this incorporates elements of cognitive-behavioral therapy with eye movements or other forms of rhythmic stimulation. While thinking of or talking about memories, a patient will focus on other stimuli like eye movements, hand taps, and sounds. This theory is based on the idea that when a traumatic experience occurs, it  overwhelms normal neurological coping mechanisms. The memory is therefore not adequately processed. The goal of EMDR therapy is to process these distressing memories, reducing their lingering effects.

How do you go about choosing a therapist? Dr. Carlfred Broderick says that after your first session you should ask yourself :

• Does the therapist seem to understand and care how I feel?
•  Does he or she see clearly what is going on?
• Do this person’s ideas make common sense, or do they seem strange, dumb, or outrageous?

He suggests that if the answers to these questions are not satisfactory, you probably do not trust the therapist and should look for another.

*Child sexual abuse: A critical review of intervention and treatment modalities RachelLev-Wieselwww.sciencedirect.com

*Child Physcial and Sexual guidelines for Treatment, Jan 2003 National Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center. Medical University of South Carolina.

*I have a Questions Val MacMurray Ensign Jan 1983

Overcoming hopelessness - Nick Vujicic at TEDxNoviSad

I wanted to continue talking about hope, as I know there is so much hopelessness in our wold today and even more hopelessness for those struggling with the effects of child abuse. I cannot say enough about hope, so you will find many more blogs on the topic.

I wanted to share another TED video. I love TED as it has powerful messages in a small package. Most of us aren't going to sit and watch a long video, but we all have 10 minutes to listen. This talk is by Nick Vujicic. Nick Vujicic was born in Australia to a Serbian immigrant family, with a rare disorder characterized by the absence of all four limbs. Throughout his childhood he struggled with depression and suicidality.  He brings a message of hope and talks about the importance of turning obstacles into opportunites and walls into doors. He says that we all have a choice no matter what our life circumstance are. We can choose to be angry or we can choose to be grateful for what we do have. I will be blogging about anger in the future, becuase I do feel there are some good things about anger. But that is a topic for another blog. Enjoy Nick's message of hope.

HOPE

I wanted to take a moment to talk about hope. I know that the healing process is often frought with anxiety, fear and feelings of hopelessness. I have had clients ask me repeatedly "Will I ever be healed".  Treatment will never take away the fact that the abuse happened. Memories of those events will not disappear, but with time they will have less effect on your daily life. With help, you will have less intrusive thoughts. You will learn how to better manage intense emotions and find it easier to take part in areas of life that you may have previously avoided. Hyperarousal will lesson and may even go away. It WILL get easier.

There may be periods of time that are more difficult than others -where you will need the support of a therapist. Having to return to a therapist after a period of time -when things had been going well- does not mean you have failed at healing. Survivors find that certain life events, situations, places or people may trigger emotions and memories and that is ok. That period WILL pass and as you continue to use the knowledge and coping skills you have gained, each triggering event will play a less intense part of your life. 

We do not have to do this alone and we are not meant to do it it alone. You can help each other and the Master healer Jesus Christ will guide you through the healing process. Often he does not take our trials away, but he will give us the strenghth to move forward.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks also taught: "All that will come may be “clasped in the arms of Jesus.”All souls can be healed by His power. All pain can be soothed. In Him, we can “find rest unto [our] souls.”  Our mortal circumstances may not immediately change, but our pain, worry, suffering, and fear can be swallowed up in His peace and healing balm” (Ensign, Nov. 2006, 7–8)

Elder Richard G. Scott has promised us that,

“The Lord has provided a way for you to overcome the destructive results of others' acts against your will ... you must understand that you are free to determine to overcome the harmful results of abuse...Trust that the Lord will lead you to a solution. (Ensign May 1992)

He also said 

 "We see such a limited part of the eternal plan He has fashioned for each one of us. Trust Him, even when in eternal perspective it temporarily hurts very much. Have patience when you are asked to wait when you want immediate action. He may ask you to do things which are powerfully against your will. Exercise faith and say, Let Thy will be done. Such experiences, honorably met, prepare you and condition you for yet greater blessings. As your Father, His purpose is your eternal happiness, your continuing development, your increasing capacity. His desire is to share with you all that He has. The path you are to walk through life may be very different from others. You may not always know why He does what He does, but you can know that He is perfectly just and perfectly merciful. He would have you suffer no consequence, no challenge, endure no burden that is superfluous to your good.” (Ensign Nov 1991)

Again, I have so much more to say on this subject and will share more as we continue to blog. I hope that you can take a moment to share a message of hope with each other. Things that have helped you through your own process off healing. Please use the comment section or feel free to email us at considerthelilies28@gmail.com

Guest Post - From Someone Who Understands

There was a shadow cast upon my life, that did not come from my own choices.  But from the abusive decisions of another.  For a while I felt that I would always have to live my life in a shameful shadow.  But eventually I have come to realize that I was not meant to live within that same hindering shadow.  Just because you have experienced abuse does not mean you will never be able to be normal or be a powerful instrument in the hand of our Heavenly Father. 

While reflecting upon the many struggles I had within my own life while overcoming my past.  I am reminded of the words to the song Let Him Heal Your Heart, by Serving with Strength throughout the World. 

            Who can know the heartache you are feeling deep inside.

            Who can know the burdens you’ve carried all your life.

            Darkness feels the daylight and the road is much too long.

            Where are Heaven’s answers and the strength to carry on…

            Let Him Heal Your Heart…

Abraham was also a victim of his father’s abuse.  In fact, his father offered him up as a sacrifice to idols.  Now if anyone had some serious emotional scarring to overcome it was Abraham.

But as we read in Abraham we notice a pattern for overcoming the affects of abuse especially on our own self esteem.  First, of course he had to be rescued from his situation.  In Abraham’s case he was rescued by an angel.  In our case it might not be an angel that rescues us.  In my life it was mainly my angel mother.  So you need to get out of the abusive situation, either by telling a trusted adult, or your bishop. 

Next Heavenly Father showed Abraham all of his creations.  Then Heavenly Father tells him, “ my wisdom excelleth them all, for I rule in the heavens above, and in the earth beneath”. (Abraham 3:21).  Then He proceeds to give Abraham his patriarchal blessing,  “ Now the Lord has shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these were many of the noble and great ones; And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said:  these I will make my rulers; for He stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me:  Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou was born” (Abraham 3:22-23).  You see Heavenly Father taught Abraham that Abraham could forget everything anyone had ever said about him.  Or everything anyone had ever done to him to make him feel less than.  Because God is all knowing and he knew Abraham before he was born, just as He knew us before we were born.  Heavenly Father let Abraham know who he really was.  Since I have gotten my own patriarchal blessing I have had to read it often to remind me of how my Heavenly Father views me.  Especially when I start to feel unworthy.

Then Heavenly Father teaches Abraham about Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation.  Because Heavenly Father knows that the only way to overcome the affects of abuse is through our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I too had to realize that I had certain weaknesses and character flaws due to the abuse I experienced as a young child that I had to overcome.  At times I had a difficulty in being assertive, and hating men.  I was able to overcome my problem of being passive through help from my parents and a little counseling.  I always thought that I was not worthy enough to marry a nice young man because I feared that no man who was nice would want to marry a woman with such a dark past.  So I had a tendency of not so nice men.  I had not forgiven myself, I did not view myself the way Heavenly Father viewed me.  In Isaiah 1:18 it states, “ Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord:  though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;  though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”  Although I had grown up in the gospel my whole life I did not truly believe that scripture, that I was pure.

I did not realize I hated men until I was older.  A bishop had to point it out to me.  I denied it at first.  Then one day I was on a date with a nice young man and he said the ever so common words, “but I don’t want to hurt you”.  Immediately, welling inside me I heard myself say with such utter venom,” Yeah, right”.  I was very caught back by myself.  Later on I discussed this with my bishop, and he helped me forgive myself and those who had harmed me.  Then I was able to experience God’s love.  I could not feel the love of God in my heart because I was harboring hate for not just the one’s who had wronged me, but for all men.  Even though I felt justified in hating, forgiving them was essential to my healing.  Part of my suffering came from the inability to forgive those who had harmed me and feeling the great burden that comes from not forgiving.  It stifled my ability to feel God’s love in my heart.  And once the burden has been lifted from your shoulders do not pick it up again.

I realized when I was in high school that the cards were stacked against me.  That I had something hard to overcome.  But I had had a lesson on the Lehi’s dream and I knew right then that I would need to cling to the iron rod if I was going to make it.  There is a scripture in Alma 37:45 that I will paraphrase…”shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course carry us beyond this vale of sorrow.”  So I read my scriptures every day and still continue to. The promise is real, they did carry me beyond my vale of sorrow.

I have had many times of overwhelming and utter despair in my life due to the abuse.  But I can tell you that those moments have brought me to the feet of my Savior. I know through those experiences that Jesus Christ is my Savior…my personal Savior.  He is waiting to heal you.  It does not always happen at once.   You must unravel the web of abuse in your mind and soul… possibly with a friend or a counselor first.  And as you do His grace will heal you.  Look to God and LIVE.(Alma 37:47)