How They Grow

I’ve felt overwhelmed with my inadequacies in writing and sharing personal feelings regarding the healing processes from childhood sexual abuse.  My participation in this blog is not only to help myself overcome the dark wounds of abuse but to empower others to do the same and heal together. 

Just as the lilies of the field grow, we too can grow, heal, and become something beautiful.  This can be a hard concept to understand in the life of a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.  Instead it is easy to feel broken, discarded, worthless, and shattered. 

I remember trying to describe how I felt about myself one day while completely burdened down by my past and effects of abuse.  I said, “If you have a $20 bill and it is crisp and new it is worth $20.  If you take that $20 bill, crumple it up, throw it on the floor, and rub it in the dirt it is still worth $20.  But if you take that $20 bill and shred it, it is not worth anything.  There is no bank or store that would accept a shredded $20 bill even if it was carefully taped back together.”  The Federal Reserve actual gives away shredded bags of money as souvenirs because money has no value once it is shredded. “I’ve been shredded, hurt more than I can bare and even if I could tape myself back together I would still be worthless, scared, and torn.” 

As valid as theses emotions are, I was wrong.  I’ve had a hard time understanding how through the Atonement of Christ I could become whole again after I’ve experienced such damaging abuse however  I’ve learned that Christ does heal as we trust Him but this does not mean we are left without scars.  Christ can heal our deepest wounds and as we allow Him to do so we grow just as the lilies of the field.

President Uchtdorf stated, “There may be some among you who feel darkness encroaching upon you. You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. It is available to all! It gives life to all things.¹ It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn.” (The Hope of God’s Light, April 2013)

 I can’t even describe how inadequate feel  writing about the process of trusting, healing, and growing out of the shadows of abuse and into the light of the Savior but I have felt this healing in my life and my desire is to continue on this path and bring others along on the journey.  This is where I have found my greatest joy, amongst the deepest pain.