Stages of Healing

I am sorry I did not write down the reference of where I got this, but I felt it spoke well to the process of healing and wanted to share.

 

STAGES IN THE HEALING PROCESS

• The decision to heal after recognition of the effects, making a commitment to go through the healing process.
• The emergency stage happens when memories and feelings emerge and can appear to be as strong as the initial crisis of abuse.
• Remembering incidents and feelings of the past abuse occurs even if they have been repressed.
• Believing it happened and that it was hurtful is a necessary stage in the process.
• Breaking silence helps reduce the shame of being a victim and changes the childhood pattern of keeping the secret.
• Understanding that it wasn’t their fault is another stage that reverses the self-blame and places responsibility on the abuser.
• Making contact with the child within is necessary to feel compassion for the vulnerable child they were and integrate this with the adult survivor they are now.
• Trusting oneself in your perceptions and feelings becomes a new guide for action.
• Grieving and mourning the pain of the past, letting it go, and moving on.
• Anger — the backbone of healing is a liberating emotion that needs to be directed at those responsible for the abuse.
• Disclosures and confrontations with the abuser are not for every victim/survivor but can be a very powerful act of healing. Forgiveness of the abuser is not a necessary part of the healing process, but forgiveness for oneself is essential.
• Spirituality is a personal experience that is found through one’s own choice of traditional religion, meditation, nature or a support group. Having a sense of power greater than oneself can be helpful in the healing process.
•  Resolution and moving on are a result of working through the process of healing, dealing with the abuse as a part of your history, and integrating this into a new changed perspective on life.

Having worked with clients in the varied levels of healing, I can attest that the process is always unique. Never compare your own progress to someone elses. Your abuse was unique to you and your healing will be unique. There is not one right way to heal. I also feel it is important not to put expectations on yourself on how quickly you go through the healing process. Although there is much you can do to aide in the healing, ultimately healing is a gift and we need to be patient with ourselves and the process. One thing I can promise is that healing takes time. It is not linear and you don't go through the above process in a specific order. Infact, you most likely will move through these stages more then once.