Stop Bullying Yourself - Jessica's "Daily Affirmation"

"Survivors often resent being judged. We have judged and punished ourselves for years. We are usually harder on ourselves that anyone else can be."

Its true, I beat myself up often and am extremely hard on myself.  It is a fault I have.  In reality I am just continuing the pattern of abuse by bullying myself however at times I falsely think being hard on myself helps to get things done.  Its something I'm working on. There is a great article that states, "Some foolishly believe they are helping motivate themselves to higher action by their attacks. Unfortunately, the harvest is more guilt and shame, not excellence of performance." (http://waterfallconcept.org/stop-bullying-yourself-2/)

Recently I was on a long flight returning home.  It's not often strangers can have such an uplifting and deepening conversation on a plane because they usually pop in their ear buds, watch a movie, listen to music, or sleep.  Its "safer" to stay as distant as you can to the person you are sharing such a small space with.

I wasn't planning on telling this person my life story but instead to be open to simple conversation and practice opening up and trusting which I have a hard time doing.  I wanted to challenge myself and thought, "If I open up to whoever I sit next to I will most likely never see them again so even if I do fail or it turns out horribly it will be ok." I considered it practice in opening up and trusting someone for a short time.  What's the worst that could happen?  Also I figured this was one of the safest places to do this.  Everyone on the plane had to pass security and if there was a problem on the plane there are plenty of people to come to my aid.

The conversation ended up being very uplifting due to both of us mutually listening and opening up in a "safe" manner.  It can be hard to safely trust  because to trust means to take steps of faith that the other person will not cause pain or rather lasting pain. 

I was grateful that my experience was a positive one.  Towards the end of the flight the person I was sitting next to turned to me and said, "I've been very impressed with you.  You have done a lot with your life.  Thank you for your example." At first I was taken aback and began immediately to tell myself not to believe this stranger and that they really didn't know me.  Then it hit me, I was beating myself up and needed to believe this person. Once I was able to accept this compliment I felt uplifted and GREAT!

"Leichtling suggests we learn to create an inner coach that can stand up to and dispute our bully: “Choose the future we want to create and to pursue it with determination, courage, perseverance and grit. When we accomplish this, our paths open up. Our internal self-talk stops being negative and becomes encouraging and strengthening. We develop realistic goals and expectations. We motivate ourselves by desire for the future we want instead of by avoiding the pain of old wounds lacerated.”

"When we stop being a bystander and stand up to our bully, good things happen. Like all bullies the self-bully is not very brave and backs down when faced with courage. When our bully leaves us alone, we find a new emotional strength. Peace and confidence can return to our lives and we can begin to express our gifts." (http://waterfallconcept.org/stop-bullying-yourself-2/)

Below is something, with humor, I recommend all of us doing on a daily basis to overcome the bullying we have been taught to unfortunately do so well.